B., loyal reader and master of reverse psychology, recently urged me to “Please please please stop writing about politics,” adding “you don’t have any insight I couldn’t get from any other other blog equipped 30 something urban liberal guy.”
True, true enough. But B., you are not thinking this all the way through. Since you already read this site, isn’t it convenient that I summarize the insights of all 30-something urban liberal guy blogs, freeing you from having to read them in addition to my own?
Once I integrate celebrity gossip, LOLCATS, and fawning reviews of Apple products into my posting schedule, this will become the only pitstop you ever need take in the blogosphere. That’s a little something we call “value-added service.”
Don’t Think Of An Elephant
The whole Elliot Spitzer debacle happened during my blogging hiatus, but someone wanted to know my opinion of it. Well, my opinion on scandals of this nature has remained fairly consistent throughout my adult, political life: I DO NOT WANT TO THINK ABOUT OLD WHITE GUYS HAVING SEX SO STOP TRICKING ME INTO DOING SO! I don’t want to think about Spitzer having sex, or Larry Craig having sex, or Gray Davis having sex, or Jerry Falwell having sex, or Bill Clinton having something that was not strictly sex pursuant to the legal definition provided in statute §§21050, etc. I don’t care who or what they are having sex with because thinking about this aspect of the sex would involve thinking about the sex, which, as I have stated previously, I do not wish to do. Please, can we just assign a taxpayer-funded hooker to every member of congress to ensure that these liaisons become so routine that they are no longer newsworthy?
Stop! Grammar Time!
In a speech recently, Obama said the following:
We cannot prevail until we reduce our commitment in Iraq, which will allow us to do what I called for last August: providing at least two additional combat brigades to support our efforts in Afghanistan. This increased commitment in turn can be used to leverage greater assistance–with less, uh, fewer restrictions–from our NATO allies.
Whoa, nice on-the-fly less/fewer correction there, smart guy. Possibly staged to sew up the grammarian vote, I concede, but even that possibility is kind of endearing.
Hell, he ought to just adopt that as his bumper sticker slogan.
If I catch him correctly referring to “data” as a plural, I may well swoon.
The Neverending Story
Listening to NPR the other evening, they had a story about how the Bush administration desperately needed to, I dunno, read some eight year-old girl’s diary or something, to protect us all from TERRORISM and TERROR and possibly also TERRARIUMS. And they had some Bush flunky on there going on and on about how terrorists were RIGHT THIS SECOND planning to poison the nation’s supply of fillet-o-fishes, and the only thing we, as a nation, could do to stop them to give Bush the authority to do whatever he wants, up to and including drilling in ANWR and abandonment of the longstanding tradition of US Presidents wearing pants.
At some point it occurred to me that the White House’s depiction of terrorism has now become so at odds with reality that they might as well be warning us about gelatinous cubes. And, having thought this, I could no longer not hear the phrase “gelatinous cube” whenever this guy spoke, e.g., “The NSA’s Gelatinous Cube Surveillance Program is a vital tool for preventing gelatinous cube attacks here at home and preventing the spread of gelatinous cubism worldwide.” And you know they’ll be hyping the threat of owlbears again before the 2008 election.
Going For A Dip
Speaking of which …
At the aquatics center Squiggle and I frequent they have a bulletin board near the pool, on which they often post news articles relating to swimming. Yesterday it featured a page from the local paper’s recent “Living” section, with the 36-point headline “WATERPROOFING YOUR CHILDREN.” Except, for one crazy moment when I first glanced at it, I thought it said “WATERBOARDING YOUR CHILDREN” and was all like “Really? It’s come to this?”
Headline News, January 20, 2009
BARACK OBAMA SWORN IN AS FORTY-FOURTH PRESIDENT
Inauguration of African-American Heralds New Era of America Politics
Clinton continues to pursue nomination, dismisses Obama as “unelectable”