Recent Tweets

  • The older I get, the less certain I am that the events depicted in Blue Thunder actually took place. June 02, 04:07 PM
  • Million dollar idea: contact lenses with tiny barbs on the inside to constantly scratch your eyes during allergy season. June 03, 08:12 AM 2008
  • Oh god, I shouldn’t have eaten that Speed Stick. June 03, 03:40 PM
  • I wish my printer were a person so I could stab it to death with a grapefruit spoon. June 04, 10:47 AM
  • Why I love Wikipedia: “When invigorated by spinach, Popeye can lift or press about 36 tons. [citation needed]” June 09, 08:19 AM
  • I’m going to have to add “Read entire history of Green Lantern on Wikipedia” to my daily to-do list just so I have something to cross off tonight. June 09, 12:55 PM
  • Dear NPR: I will give everyone on your staff a dollar if you stop saying “anti-war protesters.” No one is protesting anti-war. June 10, 08:33 AM
  • Whoa, shred WAY too much cheese for our dinner tonight. If you or someone you love needs shredded cheese, contact me IMMEDIATELY. June 10, 08:10 PM
  • Rode bike to work to combat global warming; nature’s thanks: a bee sting in the thigh. Fuck you, globe. June 11, 09:44 AM
  • Hearing Third Eye Blind on your Pandora Sigur Rós Radio station is like finding a testicle at the bottom of a latte. June 12, 03:32 PM
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22 comments.

  1. Yeah, I’ll take that cheese.

  2. Ha! I had a similar encounter while trying to save the world from global warming: the bee got me in the neck! Guess the oil lobby is setting free trained insects to counter our “go green” efforts…

  3. Hearing Third Eye Blind on your Pandora Sigur R�s Radio station is like finding a testicle at the bottom of a latte.

    I periodically get a Hootie and the Blowfish song tossed into my Replacements radio station. I’m still trying to find the artistic link.

  4. The Popeye wiki entry is inspired, indeed.

  5. Are you trying to ween us off of your blog and onto twitter?

  6. There seems to be a typographical error in your eighth tweet: “too much cheese” is utter nonsense, of course.

    Unless you are one of my stepkids.

  7. Why do people insist on reposting their Tweets on their blogs? Don’t they know this is driving their readers insane? OR IS THAT THE POINT?

  8. Yeah. Very lazy. Especially considering that the Blue Thunder one weas a repeat from 3 weeks ago.

  9. You are the funniest man alive. Of course I don’t live with you so the Queen may or may not disagree. But none the less, I am coming to steal you away. I heart you!

  10. Anti-war is an adjective describing the protestors. The protestors are against the war. Hence, they are anti-war.

  11. Anti-war is an adjective describing the protestors. The protestors are against the war. Hence, they are anti-war.

  12. The Third Eye Blind one made me double over in laughter.

  13. I can never have a latte again. Damn you, DY!

  14. I am also suffering from “why make a whole web post when twittering is nearly as satisfying with 1/8th the work” syndrome.

  15. I once enjoyed pandora’s pleasures daily at work. Then I got a bleak pop-up: Sorry, we no longer offer this service in Canada. What? I thought the virtual world was borderless, dude. But they always knew I was Canadian – they kept throwing Loverboy into my jazz station.

  16. Oh my god! I had the exact same thing happen on Pandora last week! I love that site but sometimes they throw shit out of left-field at you. Get this: on my Clash station… Chaka Khan! True story…

  17. I love people when they join the vast mob performing small futile actions to stop an illusion. Carry on!

  18. Have you actually found a testicle in your latter?

  19. I almost spit beer onto my monitor.
    hilarious post!

  20. It’s so nice to find twitterers who go beyond the ‘I’m eating a tuna sandwich’ post. Did you just compile this blog post’s list of tweets yourself, or do you have a plugin that compiles your favorites?

    Great blog, by the way. Makes me chuckle!

  21. I, for one, thank you for reposting your twitterings. I am stodgy and out-of-touch and have never looked at Twitter, and I would miss them if they weren’t here. Or maybe I’d be forced to actually go to Twitter… but then what would I be cranky about?

  22. Moo: I read that as ‘spit beer onto my mother.’