Recent Tweets

  • Guy on the treadmill next to me looked like he was falling down a flight of stairs for 20 minutes straight. Jun 25, 12:41 PM
  • I’m doing the 100 Push-Up Challenge. I’ve eaten 37 today and still going strong, but I think this is going to ruin frozen yogurt for me. Jun 25, 14:36 PM
  • Clerk at store: “Do you want to help us fight prostate cancer?” Me: “I’m gonna need to know how before I commit.” Jun 27, 17:06 PM
  • Wow, tough day. The street that I sometimes clean found out that it was adopted. Jun 30, 09:39 AM
  • Just heard from the doctor; apparently my “case of the Mondays” is a chronic, degenerative condition. Jul 3, 12:13 PM
  • Andy Rooney never ceases to amaze me with his Somehow Still Alivedness. Jul 7, 09:13 AM
  • Local Arby’s: “Now hiring, $9/hr, 50% off meals.” The only way that would be an incentive is if they meant 50% less food. Jul 7, 12:12 PM

6 thoughts on “Recent Tweets

  1. Wanted you to know that I am deeming you an official Must Follow on Twitter. With the usual “May Cause Incontinence” disclaimer of course.

    Also — Deeming you THE angel of the morning, angel.

  2. Two weeks ago my cashier in Virginia asked me if I could donate some money to prostate cancer. I did not expect it, and I felt it was almost obligatory as a REAL man (versus “real” man) to do so, and I donated $5.

    She then tried to identify with me and reassured me that women get it too, which I responded with a vigorous nod with wide eyes silently screaming “dear God get me out of here.”

    After unpacking, I looked up the female prostate:

  3. When I was pregnant, I thought Arby’s was sent directly from heaven to comfort me with the horsey sauce of the gods. I went every Wednesday. It was like a pilgrimage to the temple.

    I should probably get a grip, eat some real BBQ or something.

  4. I saw Mickey Rooney in an airport once. I didn’t bother him because he looked so old and frail I was afraid the slightest human interaction might put him over the edge.

  5. When Andy Rooney does finally die, the damned will be tormented with endless three-minute “You wanna know something that really bugs me about Hell?” routines. Oh, the horror. I think I’ll start being good now.

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