- Rice cakes are actually pretty tasty, when properly frosted.
- Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac threaten America. Actual economic news, not the title to a misguided “Little Rascals” feature film.
- Apparently life expectancy has fallen. Thank god. It’s nice to know that people are now expecting less from my life.
- To the kid at the bustop twirling sai: you look more “teenage turtle” than “mutant ninja”, I’m afraid.
- Old woman yelled at me as I zipped past on my bicycle. “You scared the PUDDING outta me!” she shrieked.
- NPR: I would gladly contribute if you could guarantee that I’d NOT somehow wind up at the “Rhubarb Tour With Garrison Keillor”.
- Some asshole assaulted me while I tried to eat lunch. Now I am shaken and hungry.
- Oh god, I am miserably overfull. I am going to travel back in time 40 minutes and slap that burrito from my own hand before I can eat it.
- I wish I could quit you! But I must instead irritate you until I get fired, if I want to collect unemployment.