Thought Crimes

Last night, around 11:15 PM, I suddenly realized that I needed something for work the following day. So I hopped in my car and zipped to the local grocery store, a mile away. On the way home, I was pulled over for speeding. "Do you know how fast you were going?" the cop asked after approaching my window. I did,

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Recent Tweets

Attn all: I have decided to stop referring to myself as "morbidly obese" and will henceforth self-identify as "a passionate foodie". July 22, 05:58 PMM Today has been admirably proactive in regards to sucking. July 24, 08:10 AM My biggest relationship problem is that I am all give and no take. Specifically showers. Just won't take 'em. Jul 30, 06:36

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