Biden-Palin Debate Liveblogging

Oh boy, the Biden-Palin trainwreck! I haven’t been this giddy since the premiere of Temptation Island 2!!

Here’s a preview of what we can expect:

Annnnnd we’re off.

6:02: During the opening handshake, Palin says “Can I call you Joe?” A reference to Obama “arrogantly” calling McCain “John” throughout the first debate? LET THE MINDGAMES BEGIN!!

6:04: Seventeen words into her first response and Palin is already talking about hometown soccer games.

6:06: “Hockey mom” and “Joe Six-Pack” in a single sentence: drain the glass.

6:09: This debate is not going to be about the vice-presidential candidates at all, is it?

6:12: The Queen is swooning to Biden over here.

6:15: Palin’s doin’ pretty good here, but she sounds like the guide in the Space Needle elevator, rattling off the same dates and heights every hour on the hour.

6:18: Biden with the first laugh of the night (“I call that the ultimate Bridge to Nowhere.”)

6:19: This format is terrible. Only enough time to regurgitate soundbites.

6:20: Oh god, stop grinning Biden–you look like the host of Press Your Luck. COME ON SARAH NO WHAMMIES!!

6:24: The way the candidates use every question as an opportunity to laud their running mates is turning this into “My pa could beat up your pa.”

6:28: Wow, what’s going on? Palin’s fallin’ apart. She looks exhausted 28 minutes in. Red Bull is wearing off or something.

6:33: Whoa, a fully unambiguous answer from Biden on gay rights. That was awesome.

6:35: Protip: If you refer to yourself as “tolerant” of gays, you are probably not.

6:37: So here’s how it works: when they switch to a new subject, Palin perks up, starts smiling, and sounds competent. Then, as discussion continues and the needle on her platitude-gauge travels from F to E, she becomes more and more ragged.

6:41: Biden can’t get through a simple declarative statement with detouring through a windy digression on Congressional procedure.

6:44: Mission to dy readers: please identify who pioneered the term “gamechanger” and garrote him.

6:45: Oh man, I love the Castro Brothers. They make great films.

6:46: I think Biden is doing Sudoku while Palin talks.

6:48: Spain!

6:50: “And now, a long distance dedication. Jews in Florida, these canned responses are for you.”

6:53: “We’re gonna learn from the mistakes of this administration in our administration.” It’s a little disheartening to discover that they haven’t yet learned those lessons, that it’s just something on the todo list.

6:56: At the 85 minute mark Palin is going to look at the items on her notecard that she has not yet crossed off and be all, like, “But, Gwen, can we talk for a moment about: gun control, nuclear power, average South Korean height, the filibuster, Syria, and pitbulls vis-a-vis the lipstick thereon?”

7:00: Biden has Al Gore beat on sighing.

7:02: I wish I could be doing what McCain is doing right now. I could use the sleep.

7:03: “Obviously I am a Washington outsider, because I have no idea what you just said.”

7:05: Why ask a question that no vice-candidate would ever answer? It’s like asking “what is your greatest weakness” at a job interview–you know they are just going to say, “sometimes I work too hard …”

7:10: Why is Palin doing her closing statement? What she gonna do in 20 minutes?

7:11: Going for more wine, brb.

7:12: “Well gee whiz golly-darn rootin’ tooin’ yeehaw doggone bless-your-heart shucks there, Gwen. I … uh, what was the question?”

7:13: LOL @ Biden quoting the constitution verbatim from memory. Palin couldn’t even cough up “Guns and Ammo” when asked what she read.

7:18: “My family has had more tragedy than your family” is the new “well I also have a bracelet.”

7:19: I was so busy typing I missed the crying. DAMMIT!!!

7:22: Did not understand Biden’s response at all. Unrelated: I am tipsy.

7:24: Gwen, you fibber–you said that previous question would be the last. This debate has more false endings than Fatal Attraction.

7:26: Palin: “And if I could just give my seventh closing statement …”

7:28: Biden: “And if I could just reinforce the impression that I am a boring old white guy who is prone to rambling …

7:32: Flag pins are out; clearly Downs babies are the new hot accessory. Next year all politicians will walk around with one tucked under their arm.

No spectacular flameouts on either side, which was a grave disappointment. In that sense they both won.

Objectively Biden won on points, but it remains to be seen if that amounts to much in the polls. I can honestly say that I have no guess whatsoever as to how this affects the race. In fact, my gut instinct is that it won’t affect the polls much at all–which is bad news for McCain, as the underdog. Palin’s favorability ratings will probably uptick in the next week or so, but both Biden and Palin focused so heavily on their running mates that it may have just reinforced in the average viewer’s mind that they will not be voting for a VP. In other words, I say this hand is a push–and the pot is just that much larger for the next Presidential debate.

* * *

68 comments.

  1. i hate how much she just spews soundbites, nothing thoughtful… Joe started the same way, but has devolved into soundbites.

  2. F5!

  3. I wish I was in the McCain/Palin middle class

  4. wouldn’t it be funny if she suddenly said “Really? I didn’t realize that..” (re: McCain’s healthcare)

  5. Ultimate ‘Bridge to Nowhere’! I love it.

  6. Whoh, that bridge came out of nowhere.

  7. zing!

  8. Corruption rears its head like Putin in the Bering Sea

  9. What is the pin above her HUGE, SPARKLY flag pin? A patriotic accent?

  10. what?
    energy?
    we were talking about subprime

  11. I think Palin has decided that she isn’t going to address any of the topics and just talk about things she practiced talking about.

  12. I can’t watch or listen, since I know the expectations have been lowered to the point where if she does more than breathe through her mouth, she will win.

    I do think that while she may run a marathon, she is going to fade in the stretch and start sounding like a broken record. (If that hasn’t happened already.)

  13. …which is probably a smart move, actually.

  14. steve: probably better than trying to actually respond – less likely to misspeak

  15. …which is probably a smart move, actually.

  16. did she just use the “some of my best friends are gay” line?!

  17. surge? you mean that drink?

  18. tripped up.

  19. backhanded compliments are REALLY obvious.

  20. I wish for a “Reaction Video Feed” of you and the Queen. Great liveblogging.

  21. The Democracy is serious business!

  22. Did she just say ‘nucular’?!

  23. I’m tolerant of kulaks, invading German armies, property owners, and anyone who disagrees with me.

  24. I don’t think Sarah knows what the “two state solution” is. Where’s Katie Couric when you need her?

  25. she did! she said it again – nucular

  26. The RNC bylaws now require at least one of their headlining candidates be unable to properly pronounce “nuclear.”

  27. Did she say Nuke-you-ler??!!1!

  28. Also, she can’t say ‘nuclear’.

  29. Gwen has some pronunciation issues as well, methinks

  30. new tactic: if you don’t understand the question, it’s a good thing because it just proves what a Washington outsider you are.

  31. AH, like being for a giant bridge before being against it (except for the road)

  32. But let’s talk about Alaskan energy, shall we?

  33. John McCain knows how to win a war?? He spent 6 years in prison during a war we lost!

  34. You realize that she’s only an L away from Pain? And painful it is….

  35. The drinking game over on The Guardian liveblog has the following rule:

    And in the interests of balance: a drink, too, whenever Palin makes a well-argued, semantically intact, logical and lucid argument — or WASILLA for short.

  36. Under the Palin Administration: Sloppy joes in the White House canteen every Wednesday!

  37. oh crap- she made a funny!

  38. for the record – Sarah Palin has more than twice as many MySpace friends as Joe Biden. I think that says all we need to know right there.

  39. uhhh that’s not what Gwen asked.. she asked what your weakness is.

  40. Shout out to all the Unitary Executives in the house!

  41. she’s using the second half of her wrap up speech now.

  42. um….they just did ask about the greatest weakness. nice.

  43. Dear Diary,

    I respect Biden and Obama so much, I think I’m going to vote for them! John will ever know!

    Love, Sarah

  44. Whoa! And I though Palin was going to be the one to start crying.

  45. ah – so the thing above the american flag is the “blue star flag” – worn by family members of someone serving in the armed services.

  46. He IS the man we need to leave!

  47. Ah, nothing warms my heart more than seeing Palin being verbally molested with a 9-foot-long rod of truth. (:

  48. 7:18: “My family has had more tragedy than your family” is the new “well I also have a bracelet.”

    sooooo true

  49. “some of my best friends are democrats”

  50. Is no one keeping a tally of “Maverick” usage?

    I’m at 17 overall… perhaps a thesaurus should be issued?

  51. “It’s not often that a soccer mom of a soldier from a giant fuel producing state gets a chance to speak to America.” Yay.

  52. oohhh…media-bashing yet again. yikes
    Reagan? quoting Reagan? Pre-or post Alzheimer’s?

  53. am i supposed to vote on november 4th?? dammit. i thought election day was the 11th…

  54. Did anyone else notice that Palin has to blink while saying buh-lessed?

  55. “John McCain knows how to win a war.” Um, we lost Vietnam. While he was a prisoner of war.

  56. whoops…i’m tipsy too…nov 11 is veteran’s day

  57. I’m drinking every time I get blinded by Biden’s teeth.

  58. I’ve subdued the originator of “gamechanger.” Matthew, shall I dispatch them? (Best liveblog ever!)

  59. 10:22 Direct quote on Palin: “[McCain] is the man we need to leave..uh. Lead!”

  60. And now, a moment of silence for our dear friends who played the Palin Drinking Game and died of alcohol poisoning. Who would have thought that “Alaska” would be every other word out of her mouth for the first half hour?

  61. Talking Points Haiku

    Team of Mavericks
    Energy Producing State
    Mayor and Governor

  62. My two favorite moments:

    Biden said-
    Barack Obama said, quote, I’m paraphrasing, “…..

    Palin said-
    I’m not one to attribute the activity of man to change in climate.

  63. I loved it when she called him O’Biden.

    Excellent live-blogging. It makes for rather entertaining post-debate reading.

  64. Biden looked liked a dithered 16 color .gif

  65. the VP debate was stunning. Palin did a decent job faking about 20% of the questions and didn’t even bother answering the other 80%.

    i couldn’t help thinking of the end of the movie Billy Madison, when the Principal says to Adam Sandler, “Mr. Madison, what you’ve just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.”

  66. I loved Happy Gilmore. It was like punk rock!

  67. Her practiced answers remind me of the scene from Pretty Woman when she took a crash course in formal dining. They brought her a different dish and she told Richard, “but that’s the fork I knew.”

  68. This blog is hysterical–I found the website through Hairshirt.

    I take offense to the Space Needle comment, though; those tours run every ten minutes or so, not every hour.

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