Recent Tweets

  • My manager wants me to start sending “status reports.” Copying these things from Facebook to email is a drag–can’t he just friend me? Oct 23, 09:30 AM
  • Dinner tonight: Fun-Sized Twizzler, beer, Fun-Sized Twizzler, Fun-Sized Kit-Kat, slice of pumpkin bread, beer. Oct 28, 06:30 PM
  • Thanks to the miracle of Facebook I am now “friends” with a dozen people who wouldn’t give me the time of day in high school. Oct 28, 10:15 PM
  • How many times can you listen to M.I.A.’s “Bucky Done Gone” in a row before it’s time to admit you’re helpless in the face of addiction? Oct 29, 10:24 AM
  • No, because my pocket contains two thumb drives. That’s all I meant when I said I had 8 gigs in my pants. Oct 29, 11:54 AM
  • Technology can advance all it wants, but nothing will ever make me angrier than tailgating or happier than girls in sundresses. Oct 29, 12:35 PM
  • According to this Instant Win Scratch Ticket, a bottle of water is now a “prize”. What kind of crazy Frank Herbert world are we living in? October 29, 1:54 PM
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4 comments.

  1. That’s step one of twelve.

  2. It could be Water of Life, which is to be consumed at the seitch orgy and will give you prescient vision as well as ressurrect the minds of all those who came before you.

    Or more likely it’s tapwater from another municipality.

  3. But would inviting an attractive girl to eight gigs in your pants be any more successful than inviting her to one party in your pants?

  4. Yeah, free bottle of Aquafina “with purchase.” At least it’s better than a buck of a grill sandwich.

    Of course, you have to enjoy it in Thailand or India.

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