Recent Tweets

  • In these status reports to my boss, am I supposed to just mention the names of the online flash games or provide the whole URL? Nov 25, 04:21 PM
  • In a surprise twist, the eating of two McDonalds double cheeseburgers last night at 11:43 turned out to be a profoundly non-great idea. Dec 1, 09:10 AM
  • Can you really call it alcohol “abuse” when the alcohol WANTS me to consume it? Dec 4, 11:29 AM
  • Street corner “Mattress Warehouse” sign wavers are the most efficient means of converting methamphetamine into advertising. Dec 4, 04:06 PM
  • Rough IQ estimation: start with 120 and subtract 20 for every time you press the elevator button after its already lit. Dec 4, 07:41 PM
  • Watching The Terminator with my wife. Every 40 seconds she marvels at how 80s the 80s looked. Dec 6, 10:01 AM
  • Think *your* self-esteem is low? Imagine being a back-of-the-tree Christmas ornament. Dec 6, 09:45 PM
  • These “Scholastic Books” DVDs are great. It’s like reading classic children stories to your kid without actually having to be there. Dec 7, 04:52 PM
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5 comments.

  1. Allow me to leave a comment almost completely about myself. You don’t mind if I do? Excellent!

    This is probably the most convincing pitch I’ve yet seen for me to start Twittering– I can have great non-sequitur blog posts prewritten whenever I’m hard up!

    Since you don’t know me, I’ll assure you that the above was not sarcastic at all. This was a funny post, and I would probably end up doing this myself about once a week or so.

    Once I got going, I might degenerate into “funny comments I’ve left other people” and “funny items from my grocery list”, to make sure no writing goes to waste when I’m really scraping the bottom of the barrel.

    On second thought, maybe I’ll not tempt fate.

  2. Rough IQ estimation: start with 120 and subtract 20 for every time you press the elevator button after its already lit.

    Outstanding.

    And it confirms my theory that this one lady who works in my office has an IQ score of -40.

    I swear to god, the button is brighter than she is.

  3. Rough IQ estimation: start with 120 and subtract 20 for every time you press the elevator button after its already lit

    Oh, yes. Oh, very yes. Every time some moron tries that, I have to restrain myself from saying “Y’know, that doesn’t make it come any faster”.

    (OK, sometimes I don’t restrain myself)

  4. So how intelligent am I if I stood in the elevatior for at least a minute before I realized I hadn’t pushed any buttons and was going precisely nowhere?

  5. Well, I’m in the elevator with a lady who talks to herself all the time. We live on the same floor.
    I pushed the button for 9th floor. She asks: are you going to the 9th? I say: yes, of course. I’m thinking: are you nuts we live on the same floor, we meet every day. She says: Ah, I thought you were that girl who I live on the same floor with. She pushes 8. I stare at her and realise: OMG, I live on the 8th.
    IQ in the minus range.

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