I had a bit too much to drink last night, and woke up this morning wearing socks. I never wear socks to bed.
But socks tell me that my blood alcohol concentration last night wasn’t too high … no more that 0.05, probably. In fact, on any given morning I can usually determine what my BAC was the night prior based solely on what I’m wearing when I wake.
|Wake Up Wearing||BAC|
|Jacket and shoes||0.15|
|No clothing / eyebrows whatsoever||0.20|
|Boxer shorts (not own)||0.22|
|Henna tattoo of Rainn Wilson||0.24|
|Half-eaten nacho hat||0.26|
|Members Only jacket / parachute pants / untied Converse / sweater draped around shoulders / Nintendo Power Glove||0.28|
|Bar napkin with home address written on it safetypinned to earlobe||0.30|
|Miss Celibate Teen Lewis County sash and tiara||0.33|
|Handcuffs and alcohol-monitoring anklet||0.38|
|Sheet, identifying tag||0.40|
Update: I posted the above to Twitter, with each BAC its own Tweet. I’d done this before with the Typical Reaction to the Revelation That I Do Not Own a Cell Phone, By Year list, which was fairly well-received. But the lesson learned today, I think, is that 10 items on your Twitter list is pretty much the absolute maximum before your followers start to hate you. (When I put out a call for suggestions, chris_knight replied “how about stop?”)
Still, some folks chimed in with some great additional entries. Here are a few:
|Wake Up Wearing||BAC||All-Around Great Person|
|Torn karate outfit / peanut butter stains||0.17||pfostpfilms|
|Mesh sleeveless shirt||0.183||bklynjudith|
|Jodhpurs and gold lame’ blouse||0.25||golux13|
|“I voted for G.W. Bush” button||Alcohol poisoning||cybersherpa|
|Raccoon blood on pillow*||Nick Nolte||chilcote|
* Not really something worn, but the judges will allow it.
If you have a suggestion, reply to this Tweet.