Swine Flu Threat Level Raised to Phase 11

WASHINGTON D.C. - Cough! Cough cough! One sec. Cough! Cough cough! Ahem. Aherem. Okay. The World Health Organization raised the H1N1 threat level from Phase 5 to Phase 11 this morning, indicating cough! Indicating that there are now documented cases of website-to-human transmission of the disease commonly known as "Swine Flu". The level was raised cough! cough! Cough cough! Jesus

Read more

The Bad Review Revue

Confessions of a Shopaholic: "If there is a single bright spot in the financial crisis, it is the possibility that one day producer Jerry Bruckheimer will run out of money." -- Jessica Reaves, CHICAGO TRIBUNE Paul Blark: Mall Cop: "Looks like something stubbed out in an ashtray." - Wesley Morris, BOSTON GLOBE

Read more

Clothing Makes the Man

I neglected to do laundry over the weekend, and was down to the dregs of my wardrobe on Monday morning. But after reviewing my mental calendar I realized it didn't matter: I had no work meetings scheduled and would, in all likelihood, sail through my day without interacting with anyone. So I struggled into old moss-green and thoroughly pilled sweater,

Read more

The Student Bulletin Prank of 1989

Twenty years ago my high school produced a daily "Student Bulletin". These were distributed to all classrooms, and some anointed student would read the bulletin aloud to all assembled. Typical items in the bulletin included reminders of upcoming events, announcements of policy changes, and congradtulations to students for notable (and often routine) accomplishments. At some point, I and two chums

Read more