Due for a Refund

All being a dad takes “is a few minutes”? Man, I have been overpaying for years. I hope they credit my account for the extra–I could use that time to learn the sousaphone or something.


  1. OMG so EASY! Can I be a dad?

    My husband is also overpaying a terrifyingly high amount.

    I wonder what the child will do after the few minutes. Did we get one of those non self-sufficient children? Do the others have jobs and their own apartments and such? Darn. Why does she have to be so cute?

  2. Maybe to become a Dad takes a few minutes (and lots of alcohol)… but once the child arrives (and Maury Povich tells me that the baby IS MINE, even though we ain’t got the same nose), the child can need a few minutes a few times a day, which can add up to almost 15, 20 minutes a day! Gah!

  3. Can’t wait to go home tonight and tell my wife I’m done for the day.

  4. Why you gotta rip on the sousaphone?

  5. I don’t think an expressed desire to learn the sousaphone is a rip thereof.

  6. Being a dad: a few minutes a day.
    Learning the sousaphone: hours and hours of grueling practice each and every day.

    “Be a father; it’s easier than the sousaphone.”

  7. I think he just misspoke. Being a ‘father’ only takes a few minutes (less if you don’t count foreplay). Being a ‘dad’ takes a lifetime.

  8. Being both a father and a sousaphone player is a lot of work.

    Believe me, I do both.

  9. […] being a dad takes “is a few minutes”? Man, I have been overpaying for years. defective yeti — Due for a Refund   « Instead he drank something like lemony pee / that my aunties wouldn’t […]

  10. I think what he meant to say is that it only takes a few minutes a day, provided you have a household staff of 200 people, Secret Service protection, personal drivers, medical professionals in-house, a bottomless taxpayer-funded entertainment budget, private schools and personal tutors, guaranteed admission to the college of your kids choice (before they are 8), and the comforting knowledge that they will never have to work a day in their life (also by age 8).

    It really is that simple, people. Get with the program.

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