Trove

Five minutes ago I found my son’s secret stash of leftover Halloween candy. What would a good parent do in this situation?

Seriously, I am asking–I can’t seem to figure it out. Probably because my mind is racing from all the sugar.

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12 comments.

  1. Replace the candy with an equal quantity of different candy. Then look for signs that he thinks he’s somehow shifted to a parallel universe.

  2. A good parent would have already eaten all the good candy way back in early November.

  3. You found it five minutes ago and there’s still a question? Damn, you eat slow.

  4. What will you do when he’s a teenager, and you find his porn stash?

  5. This is an excellent opportunity to introduce the young’un to the concept of “taxes”.

  6. I had no sooner finished reading the Pearls Before Swine Blog on which Stephen Patsis claims to amuse himself at his son’s basketball practices by booing every time his son does something, when I arrive here and read about another blogger raiding his son’s candy stash. I’m betting that in fifteen years, psychoanalysts will be theorizing about the “blogger’s progeny syndrome,” and if you start now, maybe you can have it named after you before Patsis beats you to the punch.

  7. What’s this “early November” business about? I’d eaten most of my kids’ candy by the end of October 31st. You’ll be doing him a favor by eating it. If you let HIM have it, he’ll just get Childhood Type 2 Diabetes or ADHD, or something.

  8. HOLY SHIT YOU’RE POSTING AGAIN!

    I would confiscate it in front of him, then tell him how much you are going to enjoy eating his deceit laced candy while he sleeps. Then you should leave a pile of wrappers at the end of his bed, and when he comes in screaming and clutching the wrappers pull out a ziplock bag of the unwrapped candy. Then laugh evilly. Or, if you have a friend that is missing a limb, you could totally pull off the “and that’s why you always…” skit. It could involve sugar related hysteria and maybe bothering your parents in the middle of the night. If you have a friend with a prosthetic who is willing to scare your kid straight, it would be in your benefit to do the two birds/one stone deal.

  9. Hmmm that’s a tough one. I think your choices are:
    a. What candy? (be sure to clean chocolate off your mouth first)
    b. Haven’t I talk you that sugar tastes like shame?
    c. Distract him with “Look something shiny!” Then run.

  10. I’m sure the answer could be found here, if only….

    xkcd

  11. If he hasn’t eaten it all by now, he is in no danger of suddenly going in for a sugar rush. This shows he is capable of saving and planning and that is a good thing, to be rewarded by leaving it alone, I think.

    Or he is good at hiding things and not good at remembering where he put them. In which case I have no suggestions.

  12. Solution: steal a little bit of a time to make him go crazy.

    http://cheeptalk.wordpress.com/2010/11/04/thoughts-left-lying-around-6/

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