I went to my 7 o’clock dental appointment this morning, only to discover that the hygienist assigned to me was AWOL. The rest of the staff was fluttering around in a panic without her. Finally the actual DDS came in to take care of me, but he lacked many of her core competencies, foremost among them the ability to make distracting small talk while scraping tarter. His opening gambit was, “So uhhhh … So uh how is, how is summer treating you so far?”
Speaking of terrible openers, “if I said you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?”–a classic pickup line that has been successfully deployed exactly zero times in the history of mankind–has been slightly reworded (presumably to avoid charges of plagiarism from Larry Dallas) and pressed into service as the chorus of this new and dreadful pop song:
I look forward to the other singles from this album, including “Should I Call You in The Morning or Nudge You?” and “Do You Want to Go Back to My Dorm Room and See My Record Collection But You Know if You Don’t Want to That’s Totally Cool (ft. Timbaland)”.
(And no, this is not kneejerk hatin’ on Britney Spears–the track is well and truly awful. Even this song is better, by an order of magnitude. And anyway, I didn’t even know Spears was the artist until I went looking for the video on Youtube. My default assumption was Weird Al.)