Twitter Tuesday


My cat either has a hairball or is telling me to buy a kayak.
@matthewbaldwin
Matthew Baldwin


Whenever you hear a bell, an angel gets his wings. Whenever you hear Bohemian Rhapsody, a DJ gets to pee.
@matthewbaldwin
Matthew Baldwin


My yoga studio will be called NOTHIN’ BUT CHILD’S POSE!
@matthewbaldwin
Matthew Baldwin


I like being a father because I can hang crude crayon drawings in my office without people realizing that they’re mine.
@matthewbaldwin
Matthew Baldwin


Email from my son’s teacher: “Friday is superhero day & costumes are encouraged”. For one glorious moment I thought I was reading work mail.
@matthewbaldwin
Matthew Baldwin


People who are chipper in the morning ought to be placed in one.
@matthewbaldwin
Matthew Baldwin


Work like you don’t need the money. Love like you’ve never been hurt. Dance like no one is watching. Take advice like it’s not stupid.
@matthewbaldwin
Matthew Baldwin


How much do you want to bet that the solar panels Obama is promoting are just refurbished death panels? #sotu
@matthewbaldwin
Matthew Baldwin


If I owned a coal mine I would spend every working hour calling up contractors and yelling, “Shaft … can you dig it?!”
@matthewbaldwin
Matthew Baldwin


I can’t get blood from a stone, but I can get toothpaste from a seemingly empty tube for about a month.
@matthewbaldwin
Matthew Baldwin

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One comment.

  1. You mean I could actually make all the time I waste on Twitter pay off in time I won’t waste on bloggging?

    Gotta try it.

    Just curious–do you have any bruises from punning around The Queen? I find it hard not to resort to violence when my husband puns.

    Take advice like it’s not stupid. I love that.

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