You can always tell when I’ve done something clever. Please. Tell anyone who will listen.
I traced my disinterest in genealogy all the way back to my parents.
Where many Republicans want to return to the 50s, Santorum pines for the Precambrian Era when everyone reproduced asexually.
I accidentally asked a woman who wasn’t pregnant if she was but recovered by asking if she wanted to be and raising an eyebrow.
I hate it when people say I was “granted” immortality, like someone just handed it to me. I drank a lot of blood!
Buying “medium” cheddar instead of mild or sharp is kind of my entire life philosophy.
“Let’s kick out the jams!” — racist Preserves Club
An easy way to eliminate carbs from your diet is to live a joyless existence.
Ugh, I hate the dentist–all they do is lecture you. Brush your teeth! Floss your teeth! Stop doing meth! Wear some pants!
Ouroboros is so full of himself.
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