Twitter Tuesday


You can always tell when I’ve done something clever. Please. Tell anyone who will listen.
@matthewbaldwin
Matthew Baldwin


I traced my disinterest in genealogy all the way back to my parents.
@matthewbaldwin
Matthew Baldwin


Where many Republicans want to return to the 50s, Santorum pines for the Precambrian Era when everyone reproduced asexually.
@matthewbaldwin
Matthew Baldwin


I accidentally asked a woman who wasn’t pregnant if she was but recovered by asking if she wanted to be and raising an eyebrow.
@matthewbaldwin
Matthew Baldwin


I hate it when people say I was “granted” immortality, like someone just handed it to me. I drank a lot of blood!
@matthewbaldwin
Matthew Baldwin


Buying “medium” cheddar instead of mild or sharp is kind of my entire life philosophy.
@matthewbaldwin
Matthew Baldwin


“Let’s kick out the jams!” — racist Preserves Club
@matthewbaldwin
Matthew Baldwin


An easy way to eliminate carbs from your diet is to live a joyless existence.
@matthewbaldwin
Matthew Baldwin


Ugh, I hate the dentist–all they do is lecture you. Brush your teeth! Floss your teeth! Stop doing meth! Wear some pants!
@matthewbaldwin
Matthew Baldwin


Ouroboros is so full of himself.
@matthewbaldwin
Matthew Baldwin

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