The Comebacks: “Probably the worst movie that’s sludged across my professional eyeballs.” — Gregory Kirschling , ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY

Saw IV: “As edgy as a rubber knife.” — Scott Schueller, CHICAGO TRIBUNE

The Ten Commandment: “Thou shalt not cast Christian Slater as Moses, no matter how much the Hollywood party boy wants to fulfill some form of karmic community service.” — John Monaghan, DETROIT FREE PRESS

Sarah Landon and the Paranormal Hour: “Beset by bad lighting, limited visual imagination and acting so wooden it might have termites.” — John Anderson, VARIETY

Rush Hour 3: “Rush Hour was acceptable. It was to Rush Hour 2 what McDonald’s is to White Castle. Rush Hour 2 is to Rush Hour 3 what White Castle is to cat food.” — Kyle Smith, NEW YORK POST

Hot Rod: “Started to go bad about the time someone in casting said, ‘You know what? I’ll bet America is just about ready for the comedy stylings of Sissy Spacek.’” — Kyle Smith, NEW YORK POST

Good Luck Chuck: “A comedy so lame its plot could’ve been swiped from a Bazooka Joe wrapper.” — Chris Nashawaty, ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY

Dragon wars: “Some of the most ambitious crap I’ve ever seen.” — Marc Savlov, AUSTIN CHRONICLE

The Invasion: “Made by the kind of beings the first three Body Snatchers movies warned us against.” — Gene Seymour, NEWSDAY

The Last Legion: “We can only hope that the title of this misbegotten swords-and-sandals adventure is prophetic.” — Frank Scheck, HOLLYWOOD REPORTER

The Game Plan: “Generic to the point where it might be called Sport-Themed Disney Girly Movie All Rights Reserved.” –Geoff Pevere, TORONTO STAR

License To Wed: “There’s bad, there’s awful and there’s horrible, and then somewhere beyond that, in its own Kingdom of Lousy — where all the milk curdles and the jokes aren’t funny — is License to Wed.” — Mick LaSalle, SAN FRANCSCO CHRONICLE

The Brothers Solomon: “The not-funniest comedy of the year.” — Michael Phillips, CHICAGO TRIBUNE

Death Sentence: “Kevin Bacon’s performance is six degrees of ham.” — Jack Mathews, NEW YORK DAILY NEWS

War: “What is it good for? Absolutely nothing.” — Jim Ridley, LA WEEKLY

Daddy Day Camp: “Has an amazing amount of CGI – Cuba Gooding Incompetence.” — Kyle Smith, NEW YORK POST

Critics are raving over Bratz!

“Not that I was expecting much out of a movie based on a line of dolls, but …” — Richard Roeper, EBERT & ROEPER

“OMG! This movie is SO BAD! I can’t believe I just spent an hour and a half of my life, like, watching it, when I could have been totally trying on hairbands!” — Amy Biancolli, HOUSTON CHRONICLE

“As for Jon Voight’s presence as the school’s principal, one can only assume his Oscar statue is shedding actual tears.” — Elizabeth Weitzman, DAILY NEWS

“Offers supporting evidence that any film in which ‘Awesome!’ gets uttered more than three times should get a NC-17 rating, regardless of all the benefits such a move would deny the hair-extension industry.” — John Anderson, VARIETY

“I could actually feel my brain stem shrivel up as I watched it.” — Ty Burr, BOSTON GLOBE

“To the Bratz, individualism is only cool as long as it doesn’t require unfashionable pants.” — Jeannette Catsoulis, THE NEW YORK TIMES

“On the wrong side side of the so-bad-it’s-good line.” — John Anderson, LOS ANGELES TIMES

“Doesn’t have an idea in its head but still screams at the top of its lungs.” — Jonathan Rosenbaum, CHICAGO READER

“Bratz celebrates something even more important than good grades or good friends: the vital acquisition of totally awesome shoes.” — Connie Ogle, MIAMI HERALD

“Will rot your child’s mind, drain her soul and likely encourage early Botox dependency.” — Tom Long, DETROIT NEWS

Also: “Even Lindsay Lohan’s mug shot was made with more skill than this bottom-of-the-barrel B-movie.” Technically this is from a review of I Know Who Killed Me, but lumping Lohan in with the Bratz seems thematically appropriate. Thanks to Daniel for the tip.

Mr. Brooks: “Has more tonal shifts than a Philip Glass concert.” — Michael Booth, DENVER POST

Ocean’s Thirteen: “Why put so much sheen on a movie that warrants and provokes nothing more than mild diversion? It’s like serving sloppy joes on fine china.” — Chris Vognar, Dallas Morning News

Firehouse Dog: “The lesson to be learned is that just because we can use computer technology to give dogs goofy faces, that doesn’t mean we should.” –Marrit Ingman, AUSTIN CHRONICLE

Delta Face: “If you’re hungry for comical interpretations of an errant war, may I suggest any episode of M*A*S*H–or, indeed, any episode of Fox News.” — Michael Harris, GLOBE AND MAIL

I’m Reed Fish: “Like being forced to read the diary of a dull-witted teen who is breathlessly beginning a lifelong fascination with himself.” –Kyle Smith, NEW YORK POST

Miriam: “So bad it doesn’t ever approach being good, doesn’t even go from bad to good and back to bad again–just bad bad bad, all the way through.” — Charles Petersen , VILLAGE VOICE

Wild Hogs: “Does for comedies what Exxon did for Prince William Sound.” — Pete Vonder Haar, Film Threat

Are We Done Yet?: “Remarkable only for the fact that its star [Ice Cube] was ever once actually considered a threat to civic stability. If movies came any safer than this, they’d be given honourary police citations for keeping the peace.” — Geoff Pevere, TORONTO STAR

Pathfinder: “Makes Conan the Barbarian seem like Dostoyevsky in its complexity. ” –Stephen Hunter, WASHINGTON POST

The Invisible: “It probably seemed layered and complex when the writers were stoned. ” — Luke Y. Thompson, LA Weekly

Slow Burn: “Nothing is what it seems … unless it seems cheesy.” –Kyle Smith , NEW YORK POST

And, because Kyle Smith was on a roll this week, Lucky You: “An announcer calling a climactic poker match uses a Texas hold ‘em term frequently, saying, ‘And the flop. And the flop. And the flop.’ Heck, this movie reviews itself.” — Kyle Smith , NEW YORK POST

Black Snake Moan: “Maybe [Samuel L.] Jackson should avoid any more movies with ‘snake’ in the title.” — Peter Rainer, CHRISTIAN SCIENCE MONITOR

I Think I Love My Wife: “Attaching Chris Rock to I Think I Love My Wife is like chaining a Kentucky Derby winner to the merry-go-round in a petting zoo.” — Lawrence Toppman, CHARLOTTE OBSERVER

300: “Should have been called Ode to a Grecian Ab.” — Michael Phillips, CHICAGO TRIBUNE

Arthur and the Invisibles: “This kids’ cartoon from France is such a surreally demented attempt to connect with children that it’s the equivalent of foie gras breakfast cereal or a bleu cheese milkshake.” — Kyle Smith, NEW YORK POST

The Hills Have Eyes II: “The only folks jumping out of their seats were the ones going for a drink refill.” — Michael Rechtshaffen, HOLLYWOOD REPORTER

Premonition: “I have a strong premonition I’m about to give this movie a big thumbs down.” — Richard Roeper, EBERT & ROEPER, AT THE MOVIES

The Hitcher: “All thumbs.” — Desson Thomson, WASHINGTON POST

The Messengers: “A screenplay that has the sophistication and complexity of a college dorm message board.” — Tirdad Derakhshani, PHILADELPHIA INQUIRER

Epic Movie: “Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer must be stopped. For the last two years, this filmmaking team has created a series of spoof movies so feeble, shoddy and unfunny that they may be part of a diabolical, Manchurian Candidate-like plot to stunt the intellectual development of American adolescents.” — Jason Anderson, THE GLOBE AND MAIL

Because I Said So: “Not so much phoned in as it is auto-dialed with a text-to-speech prerecorded message in one of those creepy robotic voices.” — Carina Chocano, LOS ANGELES TIMES

Norbit: “If I thought hijacking a plane carrying prints of the film and crashing it into [Eddie] Murphy’s house would put a stop to it, I’d go out and buy a box cutter right now.” — Pete Vonder Haar, FILM THREAT

Blood and Chocolate: “Werewolf flick that seems to have used up its entire special-effects budget on canine contact lenses.” — Kyle Smith, NEW YORK POST

Ghost Rider: “All the sugar-injected horsepower of a 6-year-old on a Big Wheel. ” — Marc Savlov, Austin Chronicle

The Number 23: “Grips hold of one stupid idea and runs so far with it, in so many directions, to such little purpose, that it nearly won me over from sheer berserkoid effort.” — Nathan Lee, VILLAGE VOICE

School for Scoundrels: “Is to the multiplex what bagged spinach is to the produce aisle.” — Kyle Smith, NEW YORK POST

Happily N’Ever After: “The best that can be said of this charmless animated picture is that whether or not it ends happily — an outcome you’re unlikely to give a hoot about — it does, happily, end.” — Ruthe Stein, San Francisco Chronicle

The Holiday: “Like her namesake, Meyers has quite a way with B-O-L-O-G-N-A.” — Scott Foundas, VILLAGE VOICE

Unaccompanied Minors: “The situations are so contrived they make SpongeBob Squarepants seem like a nature documentary.” — John Anderson, NEWSDAY

Thr3e: “R3ally, r3ally aw4ul.” — Phil Villarreal, Arizona Daily Star

Sunkissed: “When a movie aspires to be gay pornography but can’t even manage that, well, you know you’ve got a bad movie.” — Neil Genzlinger, THE NEW YORK TIMES

The Return: “Although it’s being advertised as a horror movie, The Return actually invents a new genre: the bore-or movie.” — Chris Hewitt, St. Paul Pioneer Press

The Santa Clause 3: “It boggles the mind that Saddam Hussein and assorted cohorts have finally won their rightful place in the global noose while various and sundry villains associated with this third entry in the Santa Claus franchise of flaccidly feel-good, winter nostrums will no doubt be allowed to walk the Earth with nary a qualm nor backward glance.” — Marc Savlov, AUSTIN CHRONICLE

A Good Year: “A leaden attempt at an upbeat romp from the downcast, feel-bad tag team of actor Russell Crowe and director Ridley Scott, the movie is like hearing a knock-knock joke told by a mortician.” — Sean Burns, PHILADELPHIA WEEKLY

Deck the Halls: “Can be described as whatever is the opposite of a Christmas classic.” — David Hiltbrand, PHILADELPHIA INQUIRER