The Holiday Survival Guide for Slackers

The Morning News is today carrying an essay of mine entitled Holiday Survival Guide for Slackers. I was able to work some squirrels into it, so you’ll definitely want to check it out.

Credit Where It’s Due:

*Update: Have you ever had that moment in your life when you suddenly discover that one of your lifelong heroes is, in fact, a run-of-the-mill weasel, like when you found out Jimmy Carter had lust in his heart, or when Jim Henson let us all down by dying? Well, that happened to me today when I discovered that DAVE BARRY TOTALLY RIPPED ME OFF!!! His so-called “Gift” “Guide” contains the very same book as mine does! This is a scandal of pre-Subway Jared proportions!!

Oh sure, you could argue that I stole the whole “gift guide of stupid things” concept from him in the first place. And you could point out that his guide appeared nearly two weeks before mine. And you could suspect that I, Asshole first heard of The Book via Dave Barry’s column, so, in a convoluted sense, I ripped him off. Yes. Yes, you could do that. OR YOU COULD GO START YOUR OWN FREAKIN’ WEBLOG YOU BACKSTABBING BASTARD!! You’re either with me or against me.

Rewind Sketch

If your local NPR station carries the comedy show Rewind, please listen to it this weekend and laugh uproariously at the sketch I wrote based on this post, and then later go to a party, drink four too many Cosmopolitians, and try to describe the skit to some other people, but get all the details wrong, and say “And then there was this part about a shoehorn … wait, was there a shoehorn? I’m pretty sure there was a shoehorn …” and finally give up with a “well, you should of heard it.” Would you do that? Would you do that, please? Or you can listen to it online; my bit appears 19 minutes and 15 seconds into the RealAudio broadcast. Either way, it’s the drinking too much part that’s important.