Butteryfingers

FADE IN INT - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT MATTHEW and THE QUEEN are sitting on a couch in their living room, 20 minutes into the Season 2.5 finale of BATTLESTAR GALACTIC. They both appear to be ON EDGE, as if ANTICIPATING something. SOUND EFFECT: THE DISTANT RATTLE OF A TINY HAND STRUGGLING TO TURN AN ADULT-SIZED DOORKNOB The ratting continues

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Xyzzy

Iraqi Invasion: A Text Misadventure Revision 88 / Serial number 54892 Oval Office You are standing inside a White House, having just been elected to the presidency of the United States. You knew Scalia would pull through for you. There is a large desk here, along with a few chairs and couches. The presidential seal is in the middle of

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I’m A-Start Some Drama

I walked into the kitchen this morning to find The Queen groggily gathering coffee-making accoutrements. "Wha'cha gonna do wit all dat junk?" I asked her. "All dat junk inside yo trunk?" She scowled at me as a reminder of the household's "no conversation before caffeine" rule, but then asked, "What are you saying?" "No no, that was all wrong" I

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You Got To Cool It Down

The 30 least hot follow-ups to the 30 hottest things you can say to a naked woman "Good morning Cheryl. I mean, um, Sharon." "Is it okay with you if I take this slow? I haven't done this in, like, fifteen years." "I can't stop touching you. Stupid OCD." "Want to join me in the shower? Grouting's more fun with

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