Posts categorized “Lists”.

Second Ally To The Right, And Straight On ‘Til Morning

In his recent speech on Iraq, Bush said “We thank the 36 nations who have troops on the ground in Iraq and the many others who are helping that young democracy.”

This assertion–that there are as many as 36 nations aiding in the Iraqi war–has some calling the President delusional. Aside from the US and the United Kingdom, who else is really involved?

Responding to those who question his grip on reality, Bush today enumerated all 36 countires:

  • United Kingdom
  • Australia
  • Ukraine
  • Poland (don’t forget!)
  • Denmark
  • South Korea
  • Japan
  • Czech Republic
  • Macedonia
  • Bosnia and Herzegovina
  • Latveria
  • El Salvador
  • Slovakia
  • Narnia
  • Kazakhstan
  • Bulgaria
  • Romania
  • Estonia
  • Quendor
  • The Shire
  • Armenia
  • Azerbaijan
  • United Federation of Planets
  • Cimmeria
  • Mongolia
  • Sodor
  • Singapore
  • Dagobah
  • Oz
  • Mypos
  • Brobdingnag
  • Albania
  • Loompaland
  • Where The Wild Things Are
  • Lithuania
  • Mario World 2-3

Bush added that these allies are also aiding us in our struggle against Eastasia, with whom we have always been at war.

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Fifteen Of My Online Forum Comments, Taken Out Of Context

  • Supermarket sushi is just a scam to get you to buy supermarket Maalox.
  • The Wonderbra has brought more joy to my life than any other modern invention.
  • Interview tips: Make or three or four oblique references to your pathological enthusiasm for Cookie Crisp cereal. About six minutes into the interview cut the interviewer off mid-sentence with “look, if you’re not going to hire me just say so now and stop wasting my time.” Enclose every mention of your skills, experience, and education in airquotes.
  • Spousal apology: “I’m sorry you totally overreacted to that thing I did.”
  • I just watched The Descent!

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    It’s dumb.

  • Q: How many racists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: THATS RACIST!!!!
  • I have yet to hear an argument against public breastfeeding that can’t be boiled down to “it simply isn’t done!”
  • I’m sure If I Did It is just the first of a series of books, in which an assortment of c-level celebrities recount how they would have killed Nicole Simpson. The next one will be written by Al Molinaro.
  • To be fair, there was no way I could have known that charcoal briquettes were inedible.
  • If you receive all three of your Netflix movies on the same day, you win the company. Little known fact. It’s already changed hands four times.
  • When I see an attractive woman, I will usually follow her for a while, hoping that she will almost get hit by a car so I can rush over, push her to safety, and be a hero. If that doesn’t work I generally get in my own car and almost hit her myself, as a service to other potential suitors.
  • We tried attachment parenting for a while; now we’re giving detachment a whirl.
  • I used to think that democracy was a pretty good idea, until the Washington State Voter’s Initiative System taught me otherwise.
  • I’ve known a few people with bunnies. My general impression is that the “interesting companion to upkeep” ratio is skewed towards the latter–not that they require a lot of work, just that they aren’t terribly engaging. That said, I like the idea of a pet you could conceivably eat if things turn sour.
  • You should start a blog so we can all not read it.

See also: Fifteen Of My Metafilter Comments, Taken Out Of Context

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Certainties

  • Death
  • Taxes
  • If you look at one of those big, digital clocks on the side of banks–you know, the kind that alternate between the time and temperature?–it will be displaying whichever statistic you are not currently trying to ascertain.
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Bradys, Half Off

Sony has launched the Minisode Network, a new service airing abridged versions of classic 70’s an 80’s TV shows.

Here is a selection of the programs, which have been given new titles that better reflect the scaled-back subject matter.

  • One’s Company
  • Green Yardage
  • Anecdotes of Life
  • The Odd Single
  • The Eight Hundred and Fifty Dollar Man
  • Fantasy Landing Strip
  • Narcissistic Joanie
  • Who’s the Middle-Manager?
  • Space: 1973
  • Married … And Childless
  • The Wonder Month
  • Littler House on the Prairie
  • Charlie’s Angel
  • Above-Average Strangers
  • Knight Ambler
  • Starsky

Update: It Came From the Comments!

  • The Mary Tyler Show (Lung the Younger )
  • The Moderately OK Hulk (Jay)
  • Star Stroll – The Immediate Family (Mike)
  • Murder, She Summarized (LAN3)
  • The Stainless Steel Girls (Karen)
  • Peak (braine)
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Forthcoming Sylvester Stallone Films, Following the Success of Rocky Balboa

John Rambo (2008)
Sheriff Freddy Heflin (2009)
Judge Joseph Dredd (2009)
Sargeant Joe Bomowski (2010)
Raymond Tango (2011)
Lincoln Hawk (2011)
Lieutenant Marion ‘Cobra’ Cobretti (2011)
Nick Martinelli (2012)
Young Man In Crowd (2013)
Extra/Man Dancing In Club (2013)
Italian Stallion (2014)

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Residents of Old MacDonald’s Farm as Inventoried by My Three Year-Old Son, Who, as the Song Wore On, Found it Increasingly Difficult to Avoid Repetition

A dog
A cat
A pig
A cow
A horse
A sheep
A goat
A chicken
A bunny
A duck
A rooster
A bird
A turkey
A crow
An owl
A mouse
A fish
A snake
A bear
An elephant
A cricket
A baby
A pirate
A robot
A chicken nugget
A hot dog
Applesauce
An octagon

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U.S. Capitols Cities, Had All States Followed North Dakota’s Example and Named Them After Types of Donuts

Cruller, Alabama
Jelly-Filled, Alaska
Bavarian, Arizona
Apple Fritter, Arkansas
Brown Bobby, California
Sugar, Colorado
Nut Top, Connecticut
Old Fashioned, Delaware
Cheese Danish, Florida
Hush Puppy, Georgia
Malasada, Hawaii
Eclair, Idaho
Frosted, Illinois
Timbits, Indiana
Golden Puff, Iowa
Koeksuster, Kansas
Yum-Yum, Kentucky
Beignet, Louisiana
Buttermilk, Maine
Krafne, Maryland
Boston Cream, Massachusetts
Lassie Loop, Michigan
Cinnamon Twist, Minnesota
Crumb, Mississippi
Maple Bar, Missouri
Bear Claw, Montana
Beaver Tail, Nebraska
Cake, Nevada
Blueberry Crisp, New Hampshire
Berliner, New Jersey
Churro, New Mexico
Devils Food, New York
Zeppole, North Carolina
Raised, Ohio
Elephant Ear, Oklahoma
Pretzel-Shaped, Oregon
Fastnacht, Pennsylvania
Chocolate Log, Rhode Island
Custard, South Carolina
Powdered, South Dakota
Creme Horn, Tennessee
Texan-Style, Texas
Olicook, Utah
Rainbow Sprinkle, Vermont
Paczki, Virginia
Frying Saucers, Washington
Glazed, West Virginia
Pershing, Wisconsin
Hole, Wyoming

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Job Titles You Could Put in the “Occupation” Field of Your Tax Return to Exact Some Small Measure of Revenge on a Random IRS Employee by Getting an Irritating Song Stuck in His or Her Head

Paperback Writer
Cradle of Love Rocker
Country Boy (thank god!)
Business Caretaker
Smooth Operator
Smooth Criminal
Move Buster
Mr. Tally Man
Pack Leader
Careless Whisperer
Thriller
Boy of Summer
Tiny Dancer
Tambourine Man
Yellow Submariner
Banjo Dueler
Right To Party Advocate
Lover (part-time)
Tubthumper
Kung Fu Fighter
Guy who wrote the jingle for the “Kit-Kat” commericals
Dancing Queen
Port Commissioner of Funkytown
Sexual Healer
Eggman / Walrus

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