He’s so garrulous
To get a word in edgewise
I was just on the website for Pinnacle Foods, and discovered that these guys own a crapload of the most well-known food brands. I also noticed that every product page on their site featured a logo for a brand, and a piece of clipart that presumably portrayed the target demographic for that food. Can you match ’em up?
Further cementing my reputation as a “tardy-adopter,” today I bought a scanner, only a single decade after they became mandatory for any self-respecting geek.
First picture scanned:
My father and I, October, 1971.
Not only is Pa Baldwin an all-around great guy, but he’s also a regular reader of this site. Hi dad!
Update: “Don’t you have a similar picture of you and the Squiggle? I think a side-by-side comparison would be nice here.”
Extrapolations: every generation of Baldwin will have shorter hair, a higher BMI, and more ridiculous headgear.
February 1: Ball Sweat
February 2: Fiction Deaths
February 3: Assorted Bargains
February 4: Chinese muslims studying overseas
February 6: Fog pump
February 7: Air Poo
February 8: Influence of Music
February 9: Ultramaterialism
February 11: Saturday (Carpenters song)
February 12: Random Article
February 13: Temple of the Jedi Order (Real)
February 14: Clown Suit
February 15: FIFA World Cup 2022
February 16: Characters in Sonic Riders 2
February 17: Scouting in Greater Manchester East
February 18: Jabba and slaves
February 19: Goatsurfing
February 20: Sigil Studio
February 21: The Angry Video Game Nerd
February 22: Medieval crimes and punsih ment
February 23: Dark Super sonic the hedgehog
February 24: Workin Title (Myspace Comedy Series)
February 25: Cheesemonger
February 26: Straid Lazed
February 27: Ape jazz
February 28: Pewter Report (magazine)
- I will be on the teevee this evening, telling a story for the pilot of A Guide to Visitors. You can see it on The Seattle Channel, this evening at 9:00. Or, if you are one of the seven people on teh NetarWeb that has “RealPlayer” installed, you can watch it online here (my story is third).
- I am currently getting a ton of traffic from this URL: http://buzzfeed.com/buzz/Asslessness.
- I was just joking about having written “a novella which retells Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope from the point of view of the Garbage creature,” but the number of people sent email expressing interest in reading it was, frankly, terrifying.
- Oh man, this I love.
- A Google search indicates that no one has ever formed a heavy metal Christian band called “BC/AD.” That’s just unacceptable, people.
Here’s a self-working card trick my dad showed me when I was but a wee lad. It sounds pretty uninteresting in the telling, but try it out–in practice, people are amazed at the outcome.
- Take a standard, 52 card deck and randomly discard ten cards. I prefer to do this before the trick starts and never tell the audience, but you can do it in the middle (step 6) if you’re feeling honest. These ten cards will play no part in the trick.
- Deal the 42 cards into piles using the following method: Flip the top card from your deck face up, announce the value aloud (e.g., “seven!”) and place it on the table as a foundation of a pile. Now continue to deal cards onto that pile, counting upwards with each card, until you hit thirteen. So after putting the 7 card face up, for instance, you would deal five cards onto it, counting “Eight”, “Nine,” “Ten,” “Jack,” “Queen,” “King!”. If the foundation card is an Ace you will create a 13-card pile; if it is a King it will constitute a pile unto itself. When a pile is complete, turn it face down and start a new pile with the next card. If the final cards in the deck do not make a complete pile (e.g., you flip over a “Three” but only have five cards remaining) set them aside for the moment.
- Ask your audience to pick three of the face-down piles. Take all the unchosen piles, combine them with the remainders from step 2 (if any), and hand the deck to your audience.
- Tell your audience to flip over the top card on one of the three, face-down piles. After he has done so, tell him to discard that many cards from his deck. So if he flipped over a 9, he would discard nine cards from his deck.
- Tell your audience to flip over the top card on a second pile and, again, discard that many cards.
- Only if you did not remove cards in step 1: tell your audience to discard ten more cards “for good measure”.
- Tell your audience to count how many cards he has left in his hand. Then tell him to flip over the top card on the last of the three face-down piles. If you’ve done everything correctly, the value of the card will equal the number of cards he holds.
The best thing about this “trick,” I’ve found, is that there’s is no trick–it’s just math–so you can feel free to reveal the secret when you’re done (where “secret” = “just take out 10 cards before you start and do what I did.”). This is especially good for kids because, requiring no sleight of hand or misdirection, it is virtually un-screw-up-able, so long as they follow the recipe.
If, on the other hand, someone is dismissive because it is “just a formula,” hand him all 52 cards and challenge him to recreate the trick. Assuming they don’t know to take out 10 cards ahead of time, their attempt will end in gloatworthy failure.
I used to write stuff for Ellery Queen’s Mystery Magazine and Alfred Hitchcock Mystery Magazine back in college, and I’m thinking about getting back into it. Does anyone know of a crime / mystery writing circle in the Greater Seattle area?
Until I find one, though, I guess you guys can serve as my writing group.
I’ve posted a short story
here, and I’d appreciate your constructive criticism.
Update: I got a ton of great feedback–thanks to everyone who took the time to comment. If you’d still in the mood for crime fiction, may I recommend the archvies of Thuglit.