Toyota suffered yet another setback today, as it was forced to recall all remaining models due to faulty chick magnets. "We've received numerous complaints about the complete lack of arousal induced by our dependable, fuel-efficient vehicles," said Shotaro Kamiya, spokesman for the beleaguered automotive company. "The panty-dropping capacity of our products falls far short of our standards, and for that we apologize."
Owners are urged to bring their vehicle into local dealerships, where technicians will replace lithium-ion batteries with hemis, install chrome rims, and affix Truck Nutz to the underside of pickups.
Kamiya stressed that the recall was voluntary, and that no deaths were attributable to the defect. "But as no one has ever gotten laid in the backseat of a Yaris, no births are attributable either," he added. "We regret this senseless loss of life."