There was yet another riot on The UW’s Greek Row last week:
All available Seattle police, the State Patrol, a sheriff’s helicopter and campus police were needed to quell an alcohol-fueled disturbance early yesterday morning in the fraternity district north of the University of Washington A mattress was set afire in a street, a vehicle was turned over, and other cars, including three police cars, were damaged. Police estimated total property damage at $6,000. Witnesses and people who called police estimated 300 to 500 people were involved. [Seattle P-I]
Apparently the whole thing started as a block party and then raged out of control.
It’s funny how that happens — parties are held every night of the week without incident, but occationally one hits the flashpoint. In fact, these riots share a lot in common with forest fires, which also seemingly spring from nowhere and catch everybody off guard.
The problem in each case in an overabunance of fuel. That’s why I’m a big supporter of The Healthy Colleges Initiative, which reduces the risk of college-based riots through selectively thinning of student bodies. Crack teams of “harvesters” sweep through campus every few months and cull those students that pose the greatest danger. Specifically:
- Deadwood (students coasting by on C minuses, liberal arts majors, etc.)
- Old growth (students who have been matriculated for 6 years or more)
- Shallow-rooted seedlings (First-year students who are just going to drop out after a year of incessant alcohol- and drug-use anyway)
- Monocultures (students who strive to look like whatever the prevailing fashion is at the moment)
- Epiphytes (students who are unable to support themselves, and only going to college because their parents are paying for it)
I also think they should air PSAs starring Everclear the Binge-Drinking Bear. “Only You … Can Stop Knuckledheaded University Riots, Bro”