I Have My Doubts


Date: Wed, 15 Jan 2003 16:50:18 -0800
From: Jason Knight
Subject: I want to sell your bagels through our stores

I've spent a lot of time at your website and I think your bagels are perfect for the stores we work with ...

My New Year’s Resolutions, As Dictated By Spam Subject Lines

To Do in 2003:

Embrace energy markets
Reverse the aging process
Get a huge penis
Order perscription drugs online
Investigate enemies
Lose ten pounds in seven days
Make a fortune on Ebay
See Britney Spears naked
Know the HGH difference
Attract the opposite sex
Get a MBA
Register to win
Get paid to eat snacks
Chat with sexy girls
Earn $50,000
Send bulk email
Do it all night and stay hard
Never work again

Jeeze. I have a busy year ahead of me.

Brew Haha


Date: Fri, 13 Dec 02 16:22:34 GMT
From: Evan Armstrong <schwinnxsx@classictruckshop.com>
Subject: Wish you had lager Breasts?

“Lager breasts”? If that’s the upper-torso equivalent of the beer belly then, no, I’ll pass.

I Win

From my spam filter’s log file:

From: newsletter@myabout.com Wed Oct 2 09:17:36 2002
Subject: Do You Think of Spam as a Game?
Destination: /dev/null

Spam, For The Trash Folder

Date: Wed, 28 Aug 2002 22:24:23 +0800
From: Halina Jameel
To: matthew@defectiveyeti.com
Subject: matthew, For the Ladies

I am totally going to use that at parties.

“Hi, I’m Claire.”

“I’m Matthew … For the Ladies.”

Beutiful Chicks Naked

I got a spam email today with the subject line “You like to see beautiful chicks naked!” and while I usually delete such messages unread I couldn’t believe how uncannily accurate the sender had been in his prediction. How on earth could someone I have never met possibly know such a thing? He must be using some sort of complex targeted marketing software or something. Anyhow, I was so surprised that I went ahead and read the email and then replied with my credit card number. Boy, if that guy could guess the other two things I like (raspberry sherbet and NASCAR) I would be absolutely astounded.