Going On A Bender

My yoga card for the local gym has four punches left on it, and expires in as many days. And thus the stage is set for a showdown between my frugality and inflexibility. This card, which I bought a little under a year ago, was my second. The first was purchased after a consultation with a weight trainer who, after

Read more

Tradition

This morning at Starbucks I ordered a latte grande with a shot of vanilla. I was pleased that I remembered to say "grande"; I usually say "big" and then receive an impromptu lecture on Starbucks sizing nomenclature. I did not, however, remember to specify the potency, and so hastily added, "a double". The achingly young barista smiled and chirpily replied,

Read more

Putting the I in Story

I worked as a customer service rep at Amazon in the late 90s, at the same time as Mike Daisey. I don't think he and I ever interacted one-on-one, but I knew who he was, saw him around the ol' cube farm, and received the emails he periodically sent to the department, alerting us to upcoming performances by his improv

Read more

Fight the Power Windows

A cop pulled me over on my way to work this morning. "You aren't wearing your seat belt," he said after approaching my window. "Did you just forget?" "No officer, I was raging against the machine using the only mechanism available to a 40-year-old middle-manager in an SUV," I replied but not really.

Read more

And Then There Were Nine

The little finger on my right hand still hurts, more than a week after I bent it backward in a sledding accident. I am beginning to think I should see a doctor. But, when they ask "reason for visit", I don't know if I can bring myself to say "pinky". Also, if it atrophies and falls off, I am totally

Read more

Early Daze

I was sitting at the table and surfing the web when I remembered that I had been making coffee. Trying to determine the cause of the delay I glanced across the room and saw that I had neglected to turn on the burner. As I rose and walked over to the stove I noticed that I had also forgotten to

Read more

How Disease Works

I am an occasional storyteller at Seattle's A Guide to Visitors and, late last year, participated in one of their "Best Of" shows. Shortly thereafter I was contacted by B. Frayn Masters, who asked if I would come to Portland and for a similar event that she hosts, a series I knew nothing about called Back Fence PDX. Because Frayn

Read more

Shoe Fits

I went to a concert. One of the roadies was nicknamed "Whitey". I know this because, while he was working on the stage between sets, someone in the back of the venue shouted "Hey Whitey!" and every single person at the Built to Spill show turned around.

Read more

My Diet and Exercise Plan

Walk briskly to cafeteria at lunchtime. Purchase large salad and roll. Eat roll while walking back to office. Throw salad away untouched at the end of the work day. Find self inexplicably hungry in evening and order pizza. It really works--in January alone I got rid of nearly 8 pounds! Of salad!!

Read more

Icebreakers

I went to my 7 o'clock dental appointment this morning, only to discover that the hygienist assigned to me was AWOL. The rest of the staff was fluttering around in a panic without her. Finally the actual DDS came in to take care of me, but he lacked many of her core competencies, foremost among them the ability to make

Read more