{"id":1903,"date":"2002-01-30T14:49:37","date_gmt":"2002-01-30T21:49:37","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/defectiveyeti.com\/?p=1903"},"modified":"2002-01-30T14:49:37","modified_gmt":"2002-01-30T21:49:37","slug":"how-to-watch-tv","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/defectiveyeti.com\/wordpress\/2002\/01\/30\/how-to-watch-tv\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Watch TV"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>People are forever stopping me on the street and saying &#8220;Matthew Baldwin, I simply cannot believe that, in this media-saturated culture of ours, you are able to confine your television viewing to a mere two hours a week.  Also, I don&#8217;t have the slightest idea <a href='http:\/\/www.badwool.com\/bigping.jpg'>what your t-shirt means<\/a>.&#8221;  Well, the secret to watching just a few hours of tv a week is just like the secret to dieting:  if you only consume the good stuff, you won&#8217;t feel the urge to gorge on the junk.  In dieting, for example, if you only eat spinach and 66-grain bread, you&#8217;ll have no cravings whatsoever for Pizza Hut&#8217;s Meataholics Seven-Pounder with extra olives.<sup>*<\/sup><\/p>\n<p>To that end, I adhere to a strict, three step tv-watching regiment:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Watch <a href='http:\/\/www.buffyguide.com'>Buffy the Vampire Slayer<\/a>, Tuesdays at 8:00.<\/li>\n<li>Turn the channel to Fox.  Hurry!  Before you miss something!<\/li>\n<li>Watch <a href='http:\/\/www.fox.com\/24\/'>24<\/a>, Tuesdays at 9:00.<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>I <i>sincerely<\/i> hope you&#8217;ve been watching 24, because it&#8217;s the best thing I&#8217;ve seen on network television since season one of Twin Peaks.<\/p>\n<p><i><sup>*<\/sup><font size=-1>Actual weight loss when adhering to this dieting strategy may vary.  T-shirt seen on <a href='http:\/\/www.stormwerks.com\/linked\/'>\/usr\/bin\/girl<\/a><\/font><\/i><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>People are forever stopping me on the street and saying &#8220;Matthew Baldwin, I simply cannot believe that, in this media-saturated culture of ours, you are able to confine your television viewing to a mere two hours a week. Also, I don&#8217;t have the slightest idea what your t-shirt means.&#8221; Well, the secret to watching just [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1903","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/defectiveyeti.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1903","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/defectiveyeti.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/defectiveyeti.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/defectiveyeti.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/defectiveyeti.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1903"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/defectiveyeti.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1903\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/defectiveyeti.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1903"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/defectiveyeti.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1903"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/defectiveyeti.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1903"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}