{"id":2072,"date":"2002-05-15T10:28:42","date_gmt":"2002-05-15T17:28:42","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/defectiveyeti.com\/?p=2072"},"modified":"2002-05-15T10:28:42","modified_gmt":"2002-05-15T17:28:42","slug":"rapidfire","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/defectiveyeti.com\/wordpress\/2002\/05\/15\/rapidfire\/","title":{"rendered":"RapidFire!"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Hey CNN, <i>here&#8217;s<\/i> some news for you:  your Crossfire show is duller than televised chess!  You got a couple of right-wingers and a couple of left-wingers &#8220;discussing&#8221; the most polarizing topics imaginable, so that no one, over the course of the hour, says anything other than what you&#8217;d expect.  James Carville thinks we&#8217;re not doing enough to combat greenhouse gasses?!  And Robert Novak thinks that the evidence for global warming is inconclusive?!  Oh my stars and garters, who could have guessed?!!<\/p>\n<p>Fortunately, I got your fix right here.  Three simple steps:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Rename the show &#8220;Rapid-Fire!&#8221;  That exclaimation point is important, so don&#8217;t leave it out.\n<li>Reduce the length of the show from 60 minutes to one.\n<li>Allow each pundit only one second and one word to address each issue.<\/ul>\n<p><b>Moderator<\/b>:  Hello, and welcome to Rapid-Fire!  Gentlemen, if you&#8217;re ready we&#8217;ll start the clock and begin.  Drilling in Alaska!<br \/>\n<b>Conservative<\/b>:  Yes!<br \/>\n<b>Liberal<\/b>:   No!<br \/>\n<b>Moderator<\/b>:  Guns!<br \/>\n<b>Conservative<\/b>:  Good!<br \/>\n<b>Liberal<\/b>:  Bad!<br \/>\n<b>Moderator<\/b>:    Taxes!<br \/>\n<b>Liberal<\/b>:  Increase!<br \/>\n<b>Conservative<\/b>:  Abolish!<br \/>\n<b>Moderator<\/b>:  Iraq!<br \/>\n<b>Liberal<\/b>:  Restraint!<br \/>\n<b>Conservative<\/b>:  Attack!<br \/>\n<b>Moderator<\/b>:  Middle-East Conflict!<br \/>\n<b>Conservative<\/b>:  Israel!<br \/>\n<b>Liberal<\/b>:  Palestine!<br \/>\n<b>Moderator<\/b>:  Worst president ever!<br \/>\n<b>Liberal<\/b>:  Bush!<br \/>\n<b>Conservative<\/b>:  Clinton!<br \/>\n<b>Moderator<\/b>:  Finest president in history!<br \/>\n<b>Conservative<\/b>:  Bush!<br \/>\n<b>Liberal<\/b>:  Clinton!<br \/>\n<b>Moderator<\/b>:  Each other!<br \/>\n<b>Liberal<\/b>:   Jackass!<br \/>\n<b>Conservative<\/b>:  Cretin!<br \/>\n<b>Moderator<\/b>:  Time!  This has been Rapid-Fire!<\/p>\n<p><i>There&#8217;s<\/i> a show worth watchin&#8217;.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Hey CNN, here&#8217;s some news for you: your Crossfire show is duller than televised chess! You got a couple of right-wingers and a couple of left-wingers &#8220;discussing&#8221; the most polarizing topics imaginable, so that no one, over the course of the hour, says anything other than what you&#8217;d expect. James Carville thinks we&#8217;re not doing [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[14],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2072","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-great-ideas"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/defectiveyeti.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2072","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/defectiveyeti.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/defectiveyeti.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/defectiveyeti.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/defectiveyeti.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2072"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/defectiveyeti.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2072\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/defectiveyeti.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2072"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/defectiveyeti.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2072"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/defectiveyeti.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2072"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}