{"id":2400,"date":"2003-03-05T08:58:10","date_gmt":"2003-03-05T15:58:10","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/defectiveyeti.com\/?p=2400"},"modified":"2003-03-05T08:58:10","modified_gmt":"2003-03-05T15:58:10","slug":"matt-millionaire","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/defectiveyeti.com\/wordpress\/2003\/03\/05\/matt-millionaire\/","title":{"rendered":"Matt Millionaire"},"content":{"rendered":"

It’s a literal dream come true<\/a>: my road to millionaireism begins today.<\/p>\n

Date: Tue, 04 Mar 2003 18:02:16 -0500
\nFrom: Rob Stevenson
\nSubject: Slap me with Brie<\/p>\n

Matthew,<\/p>\n

Something along these lines? If you're game (and you want to link to it) I will pay you $2 for every shirt sold.<\/p>\n

By the way, I was impressed by your spot on Rewind, but Marketplace is really the apex of public radio success. So, what is David really like?<\/p>\n

Sincerely,
\nRob Stevenson
\nVice President
\nT-Shirt Giant, Inc.
\n<\/a><\/tt><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

There you go, kids. I know how often you read this site and think “Boy, that Matthew Baldwin sure makes some humorous observations about yogurt. I wish there was some way that I, Faithful Reader, could help make him a millionaire.” WELL NOW YOU CAN!! I mean “NOW THERE IS!!” A WAY TO HELP MAKE ME A MILLIONAIRE, THAT IS!!! All I need is, let’s see, one million divided by two is, um, okay, 500,000 people to buy this shirt, and then I will have more money than I could shake a stick at, which is saying something because, believe you me, I can shake a stick at a lot of money.<\/p>\n

By the way, I think Rob really improved this shirt by dropping the “On Iraq” from the phrase “I Oppose The War On Iraq!” After all, a garment bearing the full slogan will lose relevance as soon as the current war starts (7:44 PM PST this evening, by the latest reckoning). But owners of a shirt with the abridged tagline will be able to don it each and every time France opposes a war (i.e. roughly every seven weeks).<\/p>\n

As for Dave (I call him “Dave”) Brancaccio, I’m happy to report that he was every bit as charming and well-spoken in person as he is on the air. At least he was<\/i>, until his fifth hot toddy. Then, Jesus: we couldn’t shut him up about the hummels. “Oh sure, there’s lots of companies making adorable ceramic figurines,” he’d say, “but few people realize that a figurine can only be called a ‘hummel’ if it’s actually produced by the M.I. Hummel company or handcrafted by W. Goebel Porzellanfabrik blah blah blah blah …” And he carries photos of hummels in his wallet — what’s up with that? I kept trying to change the subject to the 1976 Ethiopian monetary conversion from the birr to the dollar, but no dice: hummels hummels hummels. Eventually I just excused myself from the table, went to the restroom, and escaped by crawling out a window.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It’s a literal dream come true: my road to millionaireism begins today. Date: Tue, 04 Mar 2003 18:02:16 -0500 From: Rob Stevenson Subject: Slap me with Brie Matthew, Something along these lines? If you’re game (and you want to link to it) I will pay you $2 for every shirt sold. By the way, I […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[14],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2400","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-great-ideas"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/defectiveyeti.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2400","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/defectiveyeti.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/defectiveyeti.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/defectiveyeti.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/defectiveyeti.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2400"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/defectiveyeti.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2400\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/defectiveyeti.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2400"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/defectiveyeti.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2400"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/defectiveyeti.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2400"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}