{"id":2416,"date":"2003-03-24T14:43:13","date_gmt":"2003-03-24T21:43:13","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/defectiveyeti.com\/?p=2416"},"modified":"2003-03-24T14:43:13","modified_gmt":"2003-03-24T21:43:13","slug":"id-like-to-mock-the-academy","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/defectiveyeti.com\/wordpress\/2003\/03\/24\/id-like-to-mock-the-academy\/","title":{"rendered":"I’d Like To Mock The Academy"},"content":{"rendered":"

Every year my friends and I gather to watch the Academy Awards and see who among us can make the best, ad lib<\/i>, smartass comments as the events unfold. Some of last night’s contenders:<\/p>\n

Scene<\/b>: Steve Martin’s opening monologue.
\nComment<\/b>: “I’m glad to see that, out of respect for the war effort, they decided not to use funny jokes this year.”<\/p>\n

Scene<\/b>: Catherine Zeta-Jones rises after being announced the winner of the “Best Supporting Actress” award.
\nComment<\/b>: “Holy smokes! That thing should be named ‘Best Supporting Dress’!”<\/p>\n

Scene<\/b>: Catherine Zeta-Jones, in her acceptance speech, says “This is to my husband, who I love and share this award with.”
\nComment<\/b>: “Actually, she has<\/i> to share the award with him. It was in the pre-nup.”<\/p>\n

Scene<\/b>: Adrien Brody makes out with Halle Berry before receiving his “Best Actor” award.
\nComments<\/b>: First Male – “Is it just me, or was that wholly inappropriate?”
\nSecond Male – “That was was wholly inappropriate.”
\nFemale – “Oh come on. Given the chance you’d do the same thing.”
\nSecond male – “That’s true. And it would be wholly inappropriate.”<\/p>\n

Scene<\/b>: Elliot Goldenthal is announced the winner of the “Best Score” award for Frida<\/i>, and the Academy Awards Band plays festive, Mariachi-style music as he approaches the stage.
\nComment<\/b>: “Oh, I’m glad he won. I love his work on those Azteca<\/i> commercials.”<\/p>\n

Scene<\/b>: Roman Polanski is named “Best Director” for The Pianist<\/i>.
\nComment<\/b>: “Booyah! Like I always say: never<\/i> bet against the Holocaust movie or the actor playing a disabled guy!”<\/p>\n

Scene<\/b>: Nicole Kidman concludes her acceptance speech for the “Best Supporting Actress” and steps away from the microphone.
\nComment<\/b>: “Wouldn’t it be great if she was all like ‘Oh yeah, one more thing: Tom is<\/i> gay’.”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Every year my friends and I gather to watch the Academy Awards and see who among us can make the best, ad lib, smartass comments as the events unfold. Some of last night’s contenders: Scene: Steve Martin’s opening monologue. Comment: “I’m glad to see that, out of respect for the war effort, they decided not […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[8],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2416","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-movies"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/defectiveyeti.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2416","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/defectiveyeti.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/defectiveyeti.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/defectiveyeti.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/defectiveyeti.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2416"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/defectiveyeti.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2416\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/defectiveyeti.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2416"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/defectiveyeti.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2416"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/defectiveyeti.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2416"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}