{"id":2781,"date":"2004-08-20T18:21:31","date_gmt":"2004-08-21T01:21:31","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/defectiveyeti.com\/?p=2781"},"modified":"2004-08-20T18:21:31","modified_gmt":"2004-08-21T01:21:31","slug":"what-do-you-want-from-me-blood","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/defectiveyeti.com\/wordpress\/2004\/08\/20\/what-do-you-want-from-me-blood\/","title":{"rendered":"What Do You Want From Me, Blood?"},"content":{"rendered":"

I donated blood today. I’d love to say that I give blood out of a selfless desire to help the needy — and, in fact, I do<\/em> say when I’m trying impress girls — but the truth is that I hate giving blood, and do it as infrequently as possible. I’d never give blood if the bloodbank guys weren’t so persistent, pursuing like a relentless cyborg sent from the future to hunt down hapless victims, extract their bodily fluids, and then treat them to cranberry juice and sugar cookies.<\/p>\n

The problem is that I have AB- blood, which is about as common as a good Ben Stiller movie. I think one in 200 people have it, maybe one in 500, something like that. I couldn’t fall into the top .5% for intelligence or attractiveness or wealth, it had to be freakin’ platelets.<\/p>\n

So the bloodbank if forever calling to breathlessly warn me that my blood type is in “very low supply.” And I know that I should just say, “Duh! Plutonium is in very low supply too, that’s how rarity works. And who cares if you don’t have any AB- blood — no one can take it anyway. You’re about as likely to pump a pint of my blood into an accident victim as a quart of yoghurt.”<\/p>\n

But instead I solemnly swear to visit my local bloodbank and donate. And one time out of every dozen I’ll actually follow through.<\/p>\n

Just blood, though. There’s no way I’m ever going to donate plasma. I don’t see why I<\/em> should get stuck with a needle just so some rich guy can have a fancy-screened TV.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I donated blood today. I’d love to say that I give blood out of a selfless desire to help the needy — and, in fact, I do say when I’m trying impress girls — but the truth is that I hate giving blood, and do it as infrequently as possible. I’d never give blood if […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[6],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2781","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-storytelling"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/defectiveyeti.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2781","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/defectiveyeti.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/defectiveyeti.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/defectiveyeti.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/defectiveyeti.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2781"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/defectiveyeti.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2781\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/defectiveyeti.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2781"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/defectiveyeti.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2781"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/defectiveyeti.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2781"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}