{"id":2945,"date":"2005-04-14T21:51:36","date_gmt":"2005-04-15T04:51:36","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/defectiveyeti.com\/?p=2945"},"modified":"2005-04-14T21:51:36","modified_gmt":"2005-04-15T04:51:36","slug":"cell-shock","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/defectiveyeti.com\/wordpress\/2005\/04\/14\/cell-shock\/","title":{"rendered":"Cell Shock"},"content":{"rendered":"

We bought some refrigerator magnets for The Squirrelly. They required batteries. I’m not kidding.<\/p>\n

Modern parenting is often dumb.<\/p>\n

Update<\/b>: Okay, I have to grudgingly admit that this Fridge Farm Magnetic Animal Set<\/a> is kinda cool. The batteries go into a big barn that has a rectangular area in the middle of it; the other magnets are animal halves. So if you put a sheep’s forequarters and a pig’s hindquarters into the barn, for example, it will play a song about how you made a “Sheeppig.”<\/p>\n

It’s like a training kit for future genetic engineers. Maybe if The Squirrelly plays with this enough, he will someday figure out how to splice together cows, tomatoes, mustard seeds and pickles, and invent the holy grail of the fast-food industry: the pre-condimentimized burger. Hell, if he can figure out how to work some potato and cola bean genes in there, he might make an animal that can produce an entire Wendy’s combo meal. Then he winds up a bajillionaire and The Queen and I ride the gravy train into retirement. Or, at the very least, he pays us back the fifteen bucks we paid for these stupid magnets.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

We bought some refrigerator magnets for The Squirrelly. They required batteries. I’m not kidding. Modern parenting is often dumb. Update: Okay, I have to grudgingly admit that this Fridge Farm Magnetic Animal Set is kinda cool. The batteries go into a big barn that has a rectangular area in the middle of it; the other […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[31],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2945","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-the-squirrelly"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/defectiveyeti.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2945","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/defectiveyeti.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/defectiveyeti.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/defectiveyeti.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/defectiveyeti.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2945"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/defectiveyeti.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2945\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/defectiveyeti.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2945"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/defectiveyeti.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2945"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/defectiveyeti.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2945"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}