{"id":3127,"date":"2006-01-30T20:40:57","date_gmt":"2006-01-31T03:40:57","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/defectiveyeti.com\/?p=3127"},"modified":"2006-01-30T20:40:57","modified_gmt":"2006-01-31T03:40:57","slug":"defective-yeti-the-lost-weeks","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/defectiveyeti.com\/wordpress\/2006\/01\/30\/defective-yeti-the-lost-weeks\/","title":{"rendered":"defective yeti: The Lost Weeks"},"content":{"rendered":"

Hi there! My name is Matthew Baldwin, though longtime readers may remember me as The Guy Who Used To Update This Website Semi-Reliably.<\/p>\n

How was I able to blog five days a week, what with all my other pressing obligations such as taking vitamins and wishing I was an fireman? Well, see, I once used the hours between The Squirrelly’s bedtime and my own to update the yeti, do a little freelance writing, maybe chip away at a book or two. It was a pretty good system, and one that served me well … until the Lost: Season One<\/em> DVDs started arriving from NetFlix about two weeks ago. Goodbye, free time!<\/p>\n

We are between discs at the moment. Hence the post. “Hence,” I say!<\/p>\n

Let’s see, what else is going on? Oh yeah, guess what I got? It’s a sixth generation iPod Video, featuring two side-by-side screens that simultaneously display the same images but with key elements slightly offset, so when the viewer slightly crosses his eyes and focuses on an imaginary point 30 inches behind the screen, the two feeds merge into one, glorious, 3-D video!<\/p>\n

No, I’m just kidding. What I actually have is a ganglion cyst. AWESOME!<\/p>\n

(They are often just referred to as “ganglions,” but I thought long and hard about what which word would be the most unpleasant to suddenly encounter while reading an otherwise inoffensive blog entry, and as “cyst” was at the top of the list I made an extra effort to include it.)<\/p>\n

Fortunately, ganglions<\/a> are not one of those bad cysts, the kind that are harbingers of Something Really Bad or that indicate that a critter that is Not You has taken up residence in something that Is You. Instead it’s just a slightly tender lump on the back of my left hand where some joint lubrication fluids have accumulated. (Fun fact: This is my — and possibly the<\/em> — first blog post ever including the phrase “joint lubrication fluids.”). I’m going to see my doctor about it later this week, but all the literature on ganglions basically say “oh quit crying you big baby — it’s pretty much harmless and will probably go away on its own.”<\/p>\n

And if it doesn’t go away, I can always exorcise it using The Word of God. I don’t mean faith healing or anything — I mean that, in Ye Olde Olden Dayes of Yore, the typical cure for a ganglion was to hit it with a Bible<\/a>. America’s healthcare costs would be a lot lower if more ailments could be cured in this manner:<\/p>\n

Husband<\/b>: Damnit, this runny nose just won’t stop.<\/p>\n

Wife<\/b>: I’ll get the Gideon<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

I don’t know if we’ve got a bible around the Baldwin household, but if this thing gets any bigger I may just have to get all Harry Potter And The Order of the Phoenix<\/em> on its ass.<\/p>\n

The worst thing about this ganglion is that it’s so small and innocuous that I’m having trouble getting people to sympathize. When I mentioned it to Torrez<\/a>, for instance, his first reaction was to sing:<\/p>\n

Because your cyst, your cyst, is on my wrist
\nBecause your cyst, your cyst, I can’t resist …<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Here some more things that have been occupying my otherwise-woulda-be-blogging moments:<\/p>\n