{"id":3459,"date":"2007-08-15T14:56:30","date_gmt":"2007-08-15T21:56:30","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/defectiveyeti.com\/?p=3459"},"modified":"2007-08-15T14:56:30","modified_gmt":"2007-08-15T21:56:30","slug":"things-not-to-say","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/defectiveyeti.com\/wordpress\/2007\/08\/15\/things-not-to-say\/","title":{"rendered":"Things Not To Say"},"content":{"rendered":"

I went over to a friend’s house the other day, where we ate a bunch of pizza and then played 120 minutes of Power Grid<\/a>. I knew most of the players, but two of them were a rather prim couple I had never met before.<\/p>\n

After the game was over, I opened one of the pizza boxes and, discovering that there were still a few slices left, grabbed one.<\/p>\n

“Hey, I’ll throw that in the microwave for you,” said my friend.<\/p>\n

“No, thanks,” I said, and then–because it’s my standard line in situations like that–added, “I like my pizza the way I like my women.”<\/p>\n

I didn’t have a punchline in mind when I said it. But, having set the joke up, I had no choice but to follow through. “Cold … and a few hours old.”<\/p>\n

Update<\/b>: Okay, so normally I wouldn’t post something like this here, as necropedophilia jokes rarely go over well with my typically readership. (Hi Mom! It gets worse!) But I got such a torrent of amazing alternate punchlines when I posted this elsewhere, I had no choice but to share.<\/p>\n