{"id":3697,"date":"2009-02-11T09:14:41","date_gmt":"2009-02-11T16:14:41","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/defectiveyeti.com\/?p=3697"},"modified":"2009-02-11T09:14:41","modified_gmt":"2009-02-11T16:14:41","slug":"recent-tweets-15","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/defectiveyeti.com\/wordpress\/2009\/02\/11\/recent-tweets-15\/","title":{"rendered":"Recent Tweets"},"content":{"rendered":"<ul>\n<li>Giving a slide whistle to a four-year-old is like giving a oh my god I can&#8217;t even concentrate long enough to analogize.  <span class='footnote'><a href='http:\/\/twitter.com\/matthewbaldwin\/status\/1102435745'>Jan 7th, 10:23 AM<\/a><\/span><\/li>\n<li>Q: Why did they call the candy &#8220;LifeSavers&#8221; instead of &#8220;Life Savers&#8221;? A: They didn&#8217;t want two mints words.   <span class='footnote'><a href='http:\/\/twitter.com\/matthewbaldwin\/status\/1102467054'>Jan 8th, 10:16 AM<\/a><\/span><\/li>\n<li>Going to the gym a few hours after eating at Denny&#8217;s is more exorcism than exercise.  <span class='footnote'><a href='http:\/\/twitter.com\/matthewbaldwin\/status\/1121707668'>Jan 15th, 11:04 AM<\/a><\/span><\/li>\n<li>Discovered: if you accidentally hear &#8220;Single Ladies&#8221; just before going to bed, your brain will treat you to an 8-hour remix while you sleep.  <span class='footnote'><a href='http:\/\/twitter.com\/matthewbaldwin\/status\/1155553496'>Jan 28th, 7:57 AM<\/a><\/span><\/li>\n<li>Seeing Angelina Jolie use to make me horny. Now it just makes me want to buy her chapstick. <span class='footnote'><a href='http:\/\/twitter.com\/matthewbaldwin\/statuses\/1168825636'>Feb  1, 07:47 PM<\/a><\/span><\/li>\n<li>Facebook is the Internet&#8217;s most efficient mechanism for reminding you about all the friends you used to have. <span class='footnote'><a href='http:\/\/twitter.com\/matthewbaldwin\/statuses\/1175087548'>Feb  3, 06:49 PM<\/a><\/span><\/li>\n<li>Days like this make me wish I&#8217;d taken my mother&#8217;s advice and become a lottery winner. <span class='footnote'><a href='http:\/\/twitter.com\/matthewbaldwin\/statuses\/1177585835'>Feb  4, 01:09 PM<\/a><\/span><\/li>\n<li>The sports bar that just opened in my neighborhood fills me with sadness.  No, wait: porter. It fills me with porter. <span class='footnote'><a href='http:\/\/twitter.com\/matthewbaldwin\/statuses\/1178125447'>Feb  4, 04:21 PM<\/a><\/span><\/li>\n<li>I score 1 pt. if I get Louie into his Cat Carrier, he gets 1 pt. if he successfully claws out my groin. Today&#8217;s vet trip ended in a 1-1 tie. <span class='footnote'><a href='http:\/\/twitter.com\/matthewbaldwin\/statuses\/1180376082'>Feb  5, 09:35 AM<\/a><\/span><\/li>\n<li>Son has the croup and sounds like Darth Vader channeling Alvin the chipmunk. <span class='footnote'><a href='http:\/\/twitter.com\/matthewbaldwin\/statuses\/1194256292'>Feb  9, 07:16 PM<\/a><\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Giving a slide whistle to a four-year-old is like giving a oh my god I can&#8217;t even concentrate long enough to analogize. Jan 7th, 10:23 AM Q: Why did they call the candy &#8220;LifeSavers&#8221; instead of &#8220;Life Savers&#8221;? A: They didn&#8217;t want two mints words. Jan 8th, 10:16 AM Going to the gym a few [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[46],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-3697","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-tweets"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/defectiveyeti.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3697","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/defectiveyeti.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/defectiveyeti.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/defectiveyeti.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/defectiveyeti.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3697"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/defectiveyeti.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3697\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/defectiveyeti.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3697"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/defectiveyeti.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3697"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/defectiveyeti.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3697"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}