{"id":3703,"date":"2009-02-26T13:15:54","date_gmt":"2009-02-26T20:15:54","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/defectiveyeti.com\/?p=3703"},"modified":"2009-02-26T13:15:54","modified_gmt":"2009-02-26T20:15:54","slug":"beer-goggles","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/defectiveyeti.com\/wordpress\/2009\/02\/26\/beer-goggles\/","title":{"rendered":"Beer -> Goggles"},"content":{"rendered":"

I had a bit too much to drink last night, and woke up this morning wearing socks. I never<\/em> wear socks to bed.<\/p>\n

But socks tell me that my blood alcohol concentration last night wasn’t too<\/em> high … no more that 0.05, probably. In fact, on any given morning I can usually determine what my BAC was the night prior based solely on what I’m wearing when I wake.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n
Wake Up Wearing<\/th class='post'>\nBAC<\/th class='post'><\/tr>\n
Socks<\/td class='post'>\n0.05<\/td class='post'><\/tr>\n
Pants<\/td class='post'>\n0.10<\/td class='post'><\/tr>\n
Jacket and shoes<\/td class='post'>\n0.15<\/td class='post'><\/tr>\n
Axe Bodyspray<\/td class='post'>\n0.18<\/td class='post'><\/tr>\n
No clothing \/ eyebrows whatsoever<\/td class='post'>\n0.20<\/td class='post'><\/tr>\n
Boxer shorts (not own)<\/td class='post'>\n0.22<\/td class='post'><\/tr>\n
Henna tattoo of Rainn Wilson<\/td class='post'>\n0.24<\/td class='post'><\/tr>\n
Half-eaten nacho hat<\/td class='post'>\n0.26<\/td class='post'><\/tr>\n
Members Only jacket \/ parachute pants \/ untied Converse \/ sweater draped around shoulders \/ Nintendo Power Glove<\/td class='post'>\n0.28<\/td class='post'><\/tr>\n
Bar napkin with home address written on it safetypinned to earlobe<\/td class='post'>\n0.30<\/td class='post'><\/tr>\n
Miss Celibate Teen Lewis County sash and tiara<\/td class='post'>\n0.33<\/td class='post'><\/tr>\n
Handcuffs and alcohol-monitoring anklet<\/td class='post'>\n0.38<\/td class='post'><\/tr>\n
Wheedle costume<\/td class='post'>\n0.38<\/td class='post'><\/tr>\n
Sheet, identifying tag<\/td class='post'>\n0.40<\/td class='post'><\/tr>\n<\/table>\n

Update<\/b>: I posted the above to Twitter, with each BAC its own Tweet. I’d done this before with the Typical Reaction to the Revelation That I Do Not Own a Cell Phone, By Year<\/a> list, which was fairly well-received. But the lesson learned today, I think, is that 10 items on your Twitter list is pretty much the absolute maximum before your followers start to hate you. (When I put out a call for suggestions, chris_knight<\/a> replied “how about stop?”)<\/p>\n

Still, some folks chimed in with some great additional entries. Here are a few:<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n
Wake Up Wearing<\/th class='post'>\nBAC<\/th class='post'>\nAll-Around Great Person<\/th class='post'><\/tr>\n
Torn karate outfit \/ peanut butter stains<\/td class='post'>\n0.17<\/td class='post'>\npfostpfilms<\/a><\/td class='post'><\/tr>\n
Mesh sleeveless shirt<\/td class='post'>\n0.183<\/td class='post'>\nbklynjudith<\/a><\/td class='post'><\/tr>\n
Full beard<\/td class='post'>\n0.20<\/td class='post'>\nsavagegus<\/a><\/td class='post'><\/tr>\n
Eye shadow<\/td class='post'>\n0.22<\/td class='post'>\nwendelldotme<\/a><\/td class='post'><\/tr>\n
Jodhpurs and gold lame’ blouse<\/td class='post'>\n0.25<\/td class='post'>\ngolux13<\/a><\/td class='post'><\/tr>\n
Nadya Suleman<\/td class='post'>\n0.30<\/td class='post'>\nillonia<\/a><\/td class='post'><\/tr>\n
“I voted for G.W. Bush” button<\/td class='post'>\nAlcohol poisoning<\/td class='post'>\ncybersherpa<\/a><\/td class='post'><\/tr>\n
Raccoon blood on pillow*<\/sup><\/td class='post'>\nNick Nolte<\/td class='post'>\nchilcote<\/a><\/td class='post'><\/tr>\n<\/table>\n

* Not really something worn, but the judges will allow it.<\/span><\/p>\n

If you have a suggestion, reply to this Tweet<\/a>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I had a bit too much to drink last night, and woke up this morning wearing socks. I never wear socks to bed. But socks tell me that my blood alcohol concentration last night wasn’t too high … no more that 0.05, probably. In fact, on any given morning I can usually determine what my […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[42,46],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-3703","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-lists","category-tweets"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/defectiveyeti.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3703","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/defectiveyeti.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/defectiveyeti.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/defectiveyeti.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/defectiveyeti.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3703"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/defectiveyeti.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3703\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/defectiveyeti.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3703"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/defectiveyeti.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3703"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/defectiveyeti.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3703"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}