Month: September 2009

Adventure Capital

Matthew 6 Comments

Here’s a thing I wrote for The Morning News: Adventure Capital.

Wholly unrelated: go listen to the audio clips here. A little additional context: Dave Niehaus is a loooongtime Seattle Mariners commentator; Mike Blowers is a former third baseman who recently joined the broadcasting team. Rounding out the commentation trio is Rick Rizzs.

Matt Tuiasosopo was called up from the minors a few weeks back. He’d been in the Mariner’s rotation, but hadn’t yet hit a home run.

In the first clip, Niehaus is speaking with Blowers; in the second, Niehaus is calling the play while Rizzs adds his own audio commentary in the form of amazed gasps and unrestrained laughter.

Ask Your Doctor if Satiation™ is Right For You

Matthew 92 Comments

Scientists have invented a pill that that allows you to live without eating, drinking, or excreting. Unfortunately it not only eliminates your desire to eat, it also ensures that you take no pleasure when doing so.

Question: Would you take the pill?

FAQ:

  • Taking the pill is a one-time event. Once you swallow it you are set on “no eating” for the rest of your life, no take-backs.

  • Those who take the pill never again feel hunger, thirst, or any other food-related sensation.

  • The pill produces a fixed # of calories a day, so your weight would depend entirely on your activity level.

  • The pill doesn’t prevent you from ingesting substances. It guarantees that you feel no desire to do so, and that you will derive no enjoyment from the actual act of consumption (e.g., nothing would taste “good” to you), but you could still, say, consume intoxicants for their effects.

  • Yes, you get to keep all the money you would have otherwise spent on food.

  • There are no impending apocalypsii or food shortages on the horizon (i.e., survival shouldn’t factor into your decision).

I put a considerable amount of thought into this question the other day, and finally decided (a) I would take the pill, and (b) within six months I would probably regard eating as an almost unendurable burden.