Recent Tweets

Matthew Tweets
  • Attn all: I have decided to stop referring to myself as “morbidly obese” and will henceforth self-identify as “a passionate foodie”. July 22, 05:58 PMM
  • Today has been admirably proactive in regards to sucking. July 24, 08:10 AM
  • My biggest relationship problem is that I am all give and no take. Specifically showers. Just won’t take ’em. Jul 30, 06:36 PM
  • My local grocery store sells “Popcorn Salt.” “No MSG” & “All Natural” boasts the packaging. $2.29 for 3 oz. The ingredients say “salt”. Jul 30, 08:51 PM
  • I’m always amazed when I see someone who still rides a Segway. I feel like I should take them aside and let them in on the joke. Aug 3, 10:45 PM
  • Each election year is an ethics test for the mainstream media, and the paper is invariably returned with “See Me After Class”. Aug 5, 10:34 AM
  • Wow, metadrug.com is giving Blank, the new oxycodone / cocaine / tobacco hybrid, a 86%. I’ll have to check that out. Aug 6, 10:13 AM
  • Guy on NPR was explaining Extreme Programming to listeners. My god, it’s like they are broadcasting FROM THE FUTURE! Aug 6, 03:42 PM
  • OMG, I wrote a derogatory tweet about some random person I heard on the radio and it turns out he follows me. This is my finest hour. Aug 6, 04:07 PM
  • War in Afghanistan, rising US / Russia tensions. This WATCHMEN ad campaign is amazing. Aug 11, 08:28 PM

7 thoughts to “Recent Tweets”

  1. Popcorn salt, just so ya know, is ground much finer than standard table salt, and does do a better job of coating popcorn.

    Maybe not that much better, mind you, but better.

  4. i personally love the one about the npr dude following you. i eagerly await the day when i, too, can use the phrase: “this is my finest hour.”

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