End-Users License Agreement For defective yeti August 21, 2002August 21, 2002 Matthew Humor PLEASE READ THIS END-USERS LICENSE AGREEMENT (“LICENSE”) CAREFULLY BEFORE PRESSING THE “AGREE” BUTTON OR READING DEFECTIVE YETI. The posts, images, documentation, frameworks, libraries, and fonts accompanying this License whether on disk, in read only memory, on any other media or in any other form (collectively “defective yeti”) are licensed, not sold, to you by defective yeti for use only under the terms of this License, and defective yeti reserves all rights not expressly granted to you. The rights granted herein are limited to defective yeti’s intellectual property rights and do not include any other patents or intellectual property rights. You own the browser through which defective yeti is viewed but defective yeti and/or defective yeti’s licensor(s) retain ownership … Sweet! No one scrolls down this far! Okay, let’s see. You agree to send me $20 and add a link to defective yeti on your weblog’s sidebar. You agree to sympathetically say “fuck that!” whenever I complain about something. You agree to to never use “literally” as a superlative, never use apostrophes inappropriately, and to never say “I could care less” when you mean “I could not care less”. You agree that you will buy and read my novel, if I ever get around to writing my novel, which I probably won’t. You agree that “The Empire Strikes Back” was the best of the Star Wars movies and that “America’s Funniest Home Videos” is actually a very funny show. You agree to not to notice when I try and toss off big words like “cacophony” or “surreptitious” but mispronounce them or use them incorrectly. You agree that football — American football — is kind of dumb. You agree to spend more time playing games with people you like and less time arguing with people you don’t. You agree to send me email every once in a while just to say hi. You agree to take the idealism of kids seriously, even though you know better. You agree to set a goal today and to spend the rest of this week pursuing it. You agree not to forget my wife’s birthday, even though she pretends like she doesn’t care if you do. You agree to give me a backrub. You agree that people are more important than tv. You agree that Ginger will not live up to the hype. You agree to pet cats. You agree that, when it comes right down to it, you are a pretty nice person.