There Can Be Only One

Matthew Favorite Posts, Movies

Apparently they are making an Alien vs. Predator movie, perhaps because of the success of last year’s Jason vs. Freddy. That’s cool, I guess, but there are so many other matchups I’d rather see.

In fact, I think they should just go whole hog, pair up all the movie villians March Madness style, and settle the issue once and for all.

Click for larger, office-pool sized sheet.

Go Anne Wilkes — I got five bucks on ya!

Update: Good gravy, how did I forget the Deliverance hillbillies?! Added them at arto’s suggestion.

Also: Jason went ahead and filled out the sheet; Mr. Grooism wrote something similar to this in January.

65 thoughts to “There Can Be Only One”

  1. Not so keen on your brackets – some of the middle-seed matchups are hardly fair fights – but I’m still LMAO.

  2. Oh man. And I was just thinkin’ about seeing Freddy vs. Jason and now why bother? The result is all there in the bracket. Guess I’ll just move to the next one on my list and see the first LOTR instead.

  3. I hate that I’m bringing these up, but I think you have to consider inviting the following baddies:

    – that nasty/sexy Borg chick
    – Gina Gershon in Showgirls
    – Iceman from Top Gun
    – Kevin Costner in Robin Hood

    See, I’m scared already.

  7. Maybe you should make another baby. You’re only getting funnier. How ’bout Kaiser Soze vs. the Gimp?

  8. (Geek Mode On) Actually, Alien vs Predator was inspired by an Alien vs Predator Comic book series and its many sequels, first appearing in the late 1980’s. There was immediate talk of a movie, and in Predator 2 they tease you with an Alien skeleton amongst the Predators’ trophies. The project has been on-again-off-again for years, and is only now finally being made. (Geek Mode Off…I said Geek Mode Off!!! Damn, stuck again)

    Anyway, brilliant matchups!!!

  9. (Geek Mode On) Actually, Alien vs Predator was inspired by an Alien vs Predator Comic book series and its many sequels, first appearing in the late 1980’s. There was immediate talk of a movie, and in Predator 2 they tease you with an Alien skeleton amongst the Predators’ trophies. The project has been on-again-off-again for years, and is only now finally being made. (Geek Mode Off…I said Geek Mode Off!!! Damn, stuck again)

    Anyway, brilliant matchups!!!

  10. How about:

    Dr Evil and Mini-me vs. Master-Blaster?

    The rednecks from “Easy Rider” vs. the rednecks from “Deliverance”?

    Roger Waters’ fame-related psychosis vs. Charles Foster Kane’s wealth-related alienation?

  13. I don’t know, I’m thinknig the Terminator can’t lose. I mean, he was supposed to be wiped from existence after the second movie but then they made a third one anyway. The third one had the same end result, yet now he’s the Governator of California. Now he’s should be foiled, but he’s fighting for the right for non-natives to run for president. It seems the machine is unstoppable.

  14. As much as I’d like to see Verbal Kint win it all, super powers are the deciding factor. Sauron faces Darth Vader (Vader narrowly defeats Agent Smith) in the final. And the Big Eye will win it all, unless Vader found the Ring.

  15. Are you going to take votes on who will win each match? You should, then we can decide who the evilest and meanest movie villain is. I got my eye on that Sauron vs. Ferris Bueller Principal fight, could be a crucial matchup.

  18. What?! Jack Nicholson’s “The Joker” didn’t make the Tourneyment this year?! Oh man, I am totally buggin….

    I would PAY to see Darth vs. Agent Smith, and I’m not talking about old Darth from the original Star Wars but I mean Darth in his prime…

    And of course, Hugo Weaving would have another phrase that follows him around in all his roles after this:

    “Jedi’s are the disease, we are the cure… Mr. Skywalker…”

  21. I would pay good money to see Hugo Weaving fight an iceberg, chewing on the scenery the whole time.

    Also, it’s a good thing you didn’t pair up Draco Malfoy with Ferris Bueller’s principal. I think we all know why. Awkward much?

  23. If you’re going to include the guys from “Deliverance,” then how about some of the baddies from the various “Mad Max” movies (Tina Turner not included)?
    And if you want to attract both dorks and girls, those (geek-attracting) sandworms from “Dune” will remind the ladies that Sting was in the movie (wearing some sort of thong during a knife fight, IIRC). And seeing a sandworm vs. the bottom-less-Nazi-pit Jaws would be cool.
    Which reminds me: didn’t Jaws, a.k.a. Bruce, eat Michael Caine in “Jaws 3-D” (with Dennis Quaid, Lou Gosset, Jr., *and* Lea Thompson!)? Sorry, no, that was in the next one, “Jaws: The Revenge.” But anything that can eat Michael Caine should have a good chance of (b)eating the Terminator.

  25. If the crazy chick from Fatal Attraction and Cruella de Vil win their first round matches, doesn’t that mean Glenn Close will be fighting herself in round two? That’s gonna require a lot of badly implemented CGI.

  26. i believe your missing two very important Badies, and speaking for the great modern nerds of this generation, why not let Sauron and Lord Voldemort beat the snot out of eachother?

  29. Unless some of these baddies have a few unlicensed nuclear accelerators around, Stay Puft is going all the way. It will take nothing less than total protonic reversal.

  31. You realize, of course, that if we have se7en psycho versus verbal kint, we will get to watch Kevin Spacey battle himself.

    how friggin awesome would that be?

  32. Boris and Natasha vs. Dr. Octopus

    and of course…

    Lex Luthor vs. The Headless Horseman

    nuff said,

    “Moose and Squirrel** must die!! whahahah”

    ** Not to be confused with “The Squirrelly” ™

    ;-)

  34. Shouldn’t there be a spoiler alert? Apparently Jason beat Freddie? Now I won’t go see the movie.

  37. “Shouldn’t there be a spoiler alert? Apparently Jason beat Freddie? Now I won’t go see the movie.”

    Spoiler? Naaaah, the Jason fans say Jason wins, but the Freddie Fans have their day too, WINK WINK! See it anyway. It’s not HORROR, it’s fun camp along the lines of ARMY OF DARKNESS, which is why the rumors of FREDDIE VS JASON VS ASH are so appealing. Last I heard Bruce Campbell wasn’t willing, though. Too bad.

    (MATT! WHOA! Thanks for the shout, my hits have multiplied by a factor of ten! I wasn’t gonna say anything just because I am NOT a Hits Whore, but damn that was some reaction! Now THAT is what it means to be THE YETI!!!)

  38. I believe it’s “Nurse Ratchet”, not Ratched, but i may be mistaken.

    BTW, I don’t think the Freedie v. Jason had as much to do with the AVP movie as much as the two successful avp video games.

    Of course, the grandaddy of all supermatchups has already occurred once – Godzilla v. King Kong. I think they should be added to the roster.

  42. I would have put jaws from moonraker (james bond) vs Jaws ( the shark)

    just my $.02 or $79.65CDN

  43. Macaulay Culkin as “The Good Son” vs. Harry and Marv from Home Alone.

    I really want to see Kevin get his comeuppance.

  44. Funniest thing I’ve seen on the net in sometime…My money’s on DELIVERANCE v. FATAL ATTRACTION final…They’re modern man’s two biggest fears: Psycho girlfriends and homosexual rapists!

  45. I have to agree with some other people’s comments: Voldemort should definitely be added to the list, as well as Godzilla vs. King Kong.

    As a side note, I’d really like to see a goa’uld from Stargate on the list, but since I’m probably one of the few who even knows what that is, I’m sure it’s a pipe dream. :(

  46. We had a ball with this one last night inbetween shots of tequila and budweiser. Highlights included:

    The House from The Shining vs. The Alien Queen (red rum, red rum…)

    The House from the Amityville Horror vs. The Ball from Phantasm

    The Special Effects of LOTR vs. The Special Effects of The Matrix

    Thanks for the laughs…

  47. We filled out the brackets before going to see AVP…I think terminator took it. My friends and I are working on a Cinematic Goodguy match-up. Jesus from “the Passion” has a good fan base…

  48. Marianna said:
    “We filled out the brackets before going to see AVP…”

    My plan as well. I filled out the brackets and printed out some blanks to bring to the theater tomorrow night. I ended up with THE JOKER going all the way, much to my own surprise. I started with the obvious ease with which MR. J takes out ARKHAM EMPLOYEES, therefore NURSE RATCHED being his toughest opponent would be fun, but eventually she gets done in.

    JAWS took out THE NAZIS even before I gave thought to the JOKER matchup, and the edge had to go to JOKERMAN just because I keeled over laughing at the image of an immense Great White Shark’s rictus grin after a mega-dose of JOKER Venom!!!

    Without going through all of my brackets, I considered VADER vs. JOKER, and figured VADER would be trying to bring THE JOKER over to the Dark Side and would realize too late that THE JOKER IS the Dark Side. (Side note; that makes me wonder about VADER vs DARKSEID!!!)

    JOKER vs HAL is a nobrainer – or is that no-processor? HAL crashes due to logic meltdown!!!

    That brings us to JOKER vs TERMINATOR, and perhaps in hindsight the TERMINATOR should really have fragged THE CLOWN PRINCE OF CRIME, but I figured THE JOKER would have gotten ragged pretty badly but pulled it out on death’s door! He’d be waaaay too easy for a thinking machine like THE TERMINATOR to underestimate, since his actions are illogical and unfathomable by even the keenest of minds. Either that or he’d just convince THE TERMINATORr to go after BATMAN, and BATS would take him down for him!!!

  49. I was going to suggest Jessica Fletcher vs. Sauron….But I figured that would kind of be like Mordor-She-Wrote.

  50. My husband and I are actually arguing about this and want to know what number constitutes a “shitload” of Nazis? 50? 100? 500+?

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