Ah, The Ravages Of Time

Matthew Observations

Speaking of birthdays, today is mine. But I’ve been feeling old for a week.

Last Tuesday I travelled to the KUOW office to record my bit for The Works. The studio is located in the University District, and I have always enjoyed going up there because The Ave is invariably teeming with pretty college girls, always a delight to behold. Especially on a warm and sunny false Spring day.

Alas, something appears to have changed over the last year. Maybe it’s becoming a parent, or maybe it because most co-eds now fall outside the half-your-age-plus-seven formula for me. But for whatever reason, they all looked too young for me to appreciate. Kids, really.

They are still pretty, to be sure. But it’s similar to when I go to an art museum and look at the Van Goghs: I can recognize that I’m looking at a fine piece of work, but it doesn’t really do anything for me.

Stupid aging. I feel like a gourmand who has been striken with ageusia.

21 thoughts to “Ah, The Ravages Of Time”

  1. I followed your “Half Your Age Plus Seven Formula” link, only to discover that the presumably default “old fogey” date on the calculator is my younger brother’s birth year. Cripes, thanks a lot.

    On the other hand, it turns out I can date 25 year olds. That’s not bad! I wonder what my wife will think about that.

  4. Happy birthday, Matt.

    I think the “half your age plus seven rule” breaks down for younger people. I’m nineteen, which puts my range between 16.5 and 24, when realistically it’s probably 17 to 22.

  5. Happy Birthday Mr. Yeti.

    And the HYA+7 rule? Feh…

    “You’re only as old as the women you feel.”
    –Groucho Marx

  7. Half my age plus seven equals “old enough to know better than to mess around with the likes of me.” Not good. Not good at all.

    Happy birthday nonetheless.

  8. A person who works in my field was telling me about another person who works in my field who left his wife for someone who falls outside the formula. I was completely mystified.

    Now, I am surrounded by 18-22 year olds at work, and I frankly don’t find them appealing at all, except in a mildly aesthetic way. I mean, who wants to date someone you have to explain everything to?

  12. From Lura.net:

    > When the twenty-year old Drew Barrymore got
    > up on Dave Letterman’s desk and flashed him
    > on his 48th birthday, he could barely keep
    > his mouth closed. As a spectator, I was
    > embarrassed that this man was so obviously
    > turned on by her antics…

    Poor baby. I wonder what other aspects of human nature embarrass her? So Drew (an adult) gets up on Dave’s desk and, of her own free will, flashes him. What reaction was Ms. Lee expecting? And since when did “turned on by” become synonymous with “willing to date”? Maybe Lura wouldn’t be so uptight if she was “coveted” once in a great while.

    P.S. – Happy Birthday, Yeti!

  13. Pisces – Try to avoid any Virgos or Leos with the Ebola virus. You are the true lord of the dance, no matter what those idiots at work say.

    That’s your horoscope for today (according to Weird Al Yankovic).

    As far as the author of the HYA+7 website: Gads.

    Happy B-day

  14. Perhaps it’s time to pass the ladykiller torch on to the Squirelly. He’s young alright but the boy’s got potential.

  15. Happy Birthday to us! Okay, mine’s on the 12th, but,still pretty close. Thank god my Virgo wife doesn’t have Ebola, eh? And well within the upper limits of the calculated range.
    I do like looking at them younger than the calculations, & working at a university provides a lot of that, but I’m one of those guys who likes them just a little older for the more serious stuff… .

  17. Give my regrets to the Queen for having married an old man such as the likes of you.

  21. Happy Birthday Dude! Our birthdays are way close. Yeah, it’s really weird, that parenting thing. I don’t think even my husband lusts too much. We were in a restaurant tonight and there were beautiful waitresses and one gorgeous woman and I don’t know…maybe he did lust a little but who has time when you are spending all this time taking care of a baby? The last person I thought was super hot was actually 28. But ‘thinking someone’s super hot’ for me lasts about 2 seconds nowadays.

    Are you guys getting fat, too? That sort of comes with the territory. We have identical pot bellies now!

    Oh God, yes, I just had it, I really did! The ‘I am now kind of old’ realization. How did I avoid it for so long?

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