when you ask

Matthew Seattle

when you ask
          ask
when you   ask
the love
of your
life
(of your
breath
of your
soul)

you want to give
          to give
(custom design
one of a kind) 
you want   to give
an engagement ring
not to be found
upon
the          finger
of            anyone
               anyone
else

we have the largest
selection
of engagement rings
b
 e
  c
   a
    u
     s
      e
engagement rings
are what we do
             (i do)  
              and all we do
are engagement rings

unlike that fucker
        that fucker
tom shane
                    - e. e. robbins

46 thoughts to “when you ask”

  5. It’s hard for me to believe there are enough people buying rings every day to keep these guys in the money to buy these damn ads.

  6. When I moved away from the Northwest, it was like I could breathe again–radio-advertisingly speaking. Now I live in the Bay Area and HE’S BACK!!! Hasn’t it been something like twenty years that he has been doing these? Shouldn’t there be a limit?

  7. San Francisco, Novato and Walnut Creek. Open weekdays until 8, Saturdays and Sundays until 5.

    Now *you* have a friend in the diamond business.

  8. portland:

    Across the freeway from Washington Square Mall. Highway 217 and Scholls Ferry Road, open monday through friday til 8, satuday and sunday til 5.

  10. Geeze, this guy is all over the place.
    The droning monotone voice on my radio so sadly familiar.

    – Sacramento represent.

  11. No Tom Shane in LA. If we want annoying radio ads we have to turn to Robins Brothers, Sit ‘n Sleep, Power Auto, Ride Share (pick a day), or any of the myriad other crappy radio hawkers. PUSSYCOW PUSSYCOW PUSSYCOW!

  12. Thank you Matt. Now I can appreciate the lack of Shane jewelers out here in Pittsburgh. The city can’t compare to my beloved emerald city, but at least it’s diamond war free.

  13. My favorite is when Tom Shane talks about going to Bangkok to personally hand-select my rubies and sapphires. I giggle and giggle at the thought of him in Bangkok doing very bad things.

  14. On Arapahoe Rd. and Empria St. One half mile east of 1-25. Open Monday – Friday til 8. Saturday and Sunday til 5. Or online at Shaneco.com. I can’t remember the pin # for my atm card because that information is taking up the exact space in my brain that it needs to be stored in!!! I HATE THOSE COMMERCIALS!!!

  16. LMAO…I forgot about the PUSSYCOW, didn’t he go to jail for a while?…LaaLa_LaaLa, Fiiire-stone e-xit Souuuuth-Gate (follow the bouncing ball kids!) After 20 years it’s still burned into my brain. Pretty effective advertising, I guess.

  17. I’m from St. Louis and have heard entirely too many Shane Co ads. I can only assume that his droning monotone is the same all over.

  19. He’s in more places than you think. He’s been in Atlanta for over 20 years. I think he started there, but then, I thought he was limited to just Atlanta until I heard him on the radio in Denver. He’s everywhere, like al Quaeda! Otoma bin Laden.

  20. Ah, radio ads that get under the skin.

    Left on Spitbrook, right on Daniel Webster.

    Dave

  21. poets yetis and thirsties

    since we are spanked and put to sleep by dolls let
    us not be continually astonished should
    from their actions and speeches
    sawdust perpetually leak

  23. Excellent, excellent work. Future historians will note that the influence of Shane on turn of the century culture was widespread and deep.

    you left the radio on
    you left
    and the voice speaks
    nasal monotone
    (are you in
    Bankok?)
    I had friend you have a friend
    we have a
    fri
    end
    in the diamond
    business

  25. The Shane Company is also in Salt Lake City:

    On the corner of State Street and 7200 South.
    Open Monday through Friday till 8, Saturday till 5, closed Sunday.

    Now you have a friend in the diamond business.

  26. I’ve been wanting for years to collect a bunch of Tom Shane samples and lay them over some driving techno music. (Which reminds me; isn’t there a band called “The Diamond People”, for all you Ben Bridge fans out there?)

  27. This reminds me as much of the ramblings of Ken “Word Jazz” Nordine
    {Word Jazz.
    What’s that?
    Where’s that?}
    {Try http://www.wordjazz.com}
    {Oh. Right. Geez, that guy’s still around?
    (so annoying)
    }

    as it does e.e. cummings.

  28. “Mr. Shane is in Minnesota too … worst ads ever.”

    He’s started this “conversation” thing wherein some clueless schmuck comes on and says “Tom, I need help with X jewlery problem” and then they have this horribly artificial “conversation” which makes me want to rip out my molars with a rusty pliars.

    That said, put a face on the this man!
    http://www.shaneco.com/about/history.asp
    If the link gets filtered, it’s just the shaneco website followed by about/history.asp

  29. Shane’s in Georgia too. Never heard ee roberts though and by the comments I should be happy about that.

  30. I’m so glad that Portland isn’t the only city to have to suffer his ads.
    Anybody else think that Mr Shane has always sounded stoned when doing these commercials, or is it just me?
    “No, Greg…just you…”

  34. “It’s hard for me to believe there are enough people buying rings every day to keep these guys in the money to buy these damn ads.”

    When we got engaged, my ex-husband paid $4500 for my wedding set (for the record, I just wanted a plain wedding band with no engagement ring, but he insisted because he didn’t want people to think he was cheap). I sold it soon after the divorce, not wanting to have any reminders around anymore. I took it back to the very same shop that he’d bought it from four years earlier, and they offered me $950 for it. I shopped it around, and finally found a place that gave me $1200.

    You want to know how they afford the ads? Look at the mark-up. They probably melted it down into something else, jacked the price, and sold it to the next pair of love-struck suckers that walked in the door. If I ever decide to get married again, there is no chance in Hell that I’ll let my fiancee/husband buy me a diamond. They are the next biggest rip-off to car insurance.

  36. I have not a clue who any of these people are (except ee cummings that is) and I love it — LOVE IT.

  37. 1-800-54-GIANT?

    From Maine to Providence, Worcester to Cape Cod and the islands?

    Done right, done fast?

  38. agrippa
    “PUSSYCOW”!!

    BWHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

    I thought that was what they were saying until I was like 9 or 10…

  39. you left out “Jared”, don’t forget “Jared” – those ads are almost worse than Tom Shane – “the direct diamond importer”
    WHO in their right mind names a jewely company “Jared” – think he’s more conceited than Tom and E.E.

  41. It took me five years to get engaged to my wife, and four of those years were spent in radio-HELL because of those damn ads. One or the other comes on every twenty minutes, and every time I’d fantasize about either a snap 180 or taking out a telephone pole – ANYTHING – to distract my beloved long enough to hit a preset.

    “When you’re ready to tell the love of your life that you want to be with her forever…” SCREEEECH-BAM! “…This is Karl Kastle with this hours news…”

    PS, Very bad things in Bangkok – I love it!

  42. After seeing the jeweler’s last name, I wondered if there was any relation to a big engagement ring store down in San Diego, where I used to live– the Robbins Brothers. Pulled up both websites, looked at the history, and yup! They’re all brothers.

    I don’t think there were any Tom Shane ads in SD, though. And the Robbins Brothers radio spots, while cheesy, weren’t really that obnoxious. No more than all radio spots inherently are.

  45. We don’t have Mr. Shane down here in San Diego, but we have somebody worse. He says many of the same things as Tom, but his voice sounds like Tom Shane crossed with Truman Capote. And to make matters worse, his balding, overweight-accountant-looking, short-sleeve-and-tie-wearing, no-charisma-having self is on TV, so we have to see him and not just hear him.

    Also, I can’t remember his name or that of his company, so clearly his ads work tremendously well.

  46. “When we got engaged, my ex-husband paid $4500 for my wedding set (for the record, I just wanted a plain wedding band with no engagement ring, but he insisted because he didn’t want people to think he was cheap).”

    ?!?

    We didn’t pay that much for our whole wedding! My wife insisted that she just get a simple gold band (there’s a tiny diamond in her engagement ring). I think we spent $350 for both her ring and mine. We went to E.E. Robbins just because we couldn’t stand the selection at Shane.

    I bought her engagement ring at Robins Jewelers, a little tiny local jeweler in Pioneer Square in Seattle. Down with Shane and E.E. Robbins. Evil media-saturating bastards.

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