Penalty kicks are such a stupid way of deciding a soccer game. Over 120 minutes of a team sport with final score determined by a series of mano a mano face-offs.
Penalty kicks are so dissimilar to regular soccer that it’s almost a different game entirely, like the outcome of a tied Cavaliers v. Timberwolves basketball game settled by LeBron James and Kevin Garnett playing Twister at mid-court. Come to think of it though, that, unlike penalty kicks, might be interesting to watch.
I’ve tried to force myself to develop an interest in soccer. I feel somewhat of an obligation what with the increased interest in the sport by America’s youth. I even watched the entire World Cup final yesterday hoping something would click inside and I would actually find a modicum of entertainment in it all. Well, unfortunately that didn’t happen and I sit here today still wondering what in the hell could possess the rest of the world to allow such an uninspiring sport, played by a bunch of uninspiring athletes, to literally define their lives? I would rather stand in front of a mirror and watch my five o’clock shadow develop than to ever watch an entire soccer match again. Can someone tell me why there are 11 players on each team yet only 3 or 4 ever attack the opposing team’s goal at any given time? Do they not want to score? And what’s up with the penalty kicks and the size of that freaking goal? Anyone with an ounce of coordination would have a 50%/50% shot at scoring on one of those goalkeepers. They should change the rule from kicking the ball to trying to drive a Hummer through the goal without the goalkeeper tagging it first. However, I think the worst part was seeing those knuckleheads glance off of each other, flop around on the ground like a piece of bacon in a frying pan holding their leg like they need on-the-spot knee-replacement surgery, watch an entire hospital staff run out with a stretcher while someone pours water on the presumed injury before helping the faker off the field, then witness him come back in the game inside of 30 seconds later. Are you kidding me? I can truly say that bowling, curling and horseshoes is much more interesting than this coma-inducing past-time. To be fair, baseball is just as coma-inducing.
I think it’s hilarious looking at the posts from all these Soccer Aficionados trying to justify penalty kicks. I agree with the majority here…Penalty Kicks are retarded and no way to end a game. I would absolutely die if I was watching the Superbowl and they ran out the field goal kickers if the teams were tied at the end of regulation and preceded to have them do a kick-off starting at the 20 and continuing until someone missed. It’s the most anti-climatic way to end a game. The reason people that watch soccer find penalty kicks so exciting is because the whole damn game is so boring that you’re starving for some offense after 120 minutes of ineptitude. Here’s a suggestion that one of my clients gave which is totally outside the box, but certainly would work. To those people that say that the poor soccer players would be exhausted if they had to play any longer, you start by shortening the overtime periods. Then if both teams still can’t score, you widen the goals. Yep, that’s right widen the goals. You could simply have sections that you could add-on. Eventually, the damn goal would be so big that no goalie could possibly defend it and then it would be up to the teams to prevent the other team from getting within about 50 yards of the freakin’ goal (because that would be a sure score). Bottom line is…soccer is lame.
Yo…MLS has played around with concept of faceoff style instead of pk’s and it was much more exciting, had some gnarly collisions and was an actual test of skill. But….MLS in its infinite wisdom switched to PK’s. What if instead of PK’s to decide match (still have PK’s during game) kicker had to shoot a dead ball anywhere from outside the 18. Shooter can set the ball whereever and whenever. Everyone would have their own favorite spot…..Countries could have their special spot that specialize in. If you do keep the damn PK’s then allow the goalie to move for crimony sake and let them play more head games with kicker. At least they might be more interesting.
Ok, so this has become two different topics:
1) Futbol doesn’t appeal to everyone, and
2) Penalty kick decisions.
1) Futbol generally only appeals to people who have played it. This is pretty much true about any sport. Love basketball or baseball? I bet you play it when you can. Look at any sport and ask yourself how available it is for average Joe or Jane to play, and you will know how popular it is. Any polo fans out there? Remarkably few, since it isn’t particularly easy to own and practice on a polo horse. Who watches golf? Golfers. Who cares about sports like, err, is it called, crew? Rowing? Sculling? It’s the one with long sleek boats and everyone gets an oar except the coxswain. Well, the only people who give a whiff in the wind for it have done it themselves, or someone they really care about did it and they were a fan of that person. Bottom line: If you have never enjoyed playing futbol, you probably won’t enjoy watching it.
And, yes, it is a low score game. It’s actually called a ‘match’, because the idea is to see how two teams match up. Maybe (how un-american can I be here?), just maybe, the match is so near to even that neither team deserves to lose. We americans like to see clear winners – preferably ourselves – but that just the way it is when you select the two or three thousand best players on the planet and have them test out against each other for four years.
Only 32 teams make it to the World Cup. 32 teams with 23 players each. 736 players from the entire human population of the earth. And americans are looking for a Yankees-style team to just sweep through and prove they are the right 23 players? Get real. What is our obsession with scoring? Does it, perhaps, reflect our inability to see the beauty of a game because all we can see are statistics? Like, ‘goals scored’, for example? If we can’t measure it, we can’t understand it. What a bunch of stupid americans. “America: Quantify Me, Baby!”
Success is measured quite differently here, isn’t it? Well, here’s the wake-up call; we’re not alone on this planet, and the World Cup involved 142 national teams, and it had a viewership of 20 billion people. I know it’s hard to imagine 20 billion people when you know there are only a few hundred million people in the US. But try. Try to imagine that, actually, we’re the extreme minority. There are more people under the age of fifteen in China than there are people who have ever watched, much less enjoyed, an NFL or NBA game. You don’t have to love futbol; hell, you don’t even have to like it. But railing against it out of ignorance is like campaigning against oxygen; it’s ubiquitous. You’ll get a lot more respect for your ideas if you understand it and talk about it intelligently because pretty much the entire world takes it very seriously. Frankly, I’m surprised it’s not our national sport, since futbol is by far the richest sport in the world. Top players sign contracts that would make an MLB player blush. Ronaldinho just turned down an offer from New York that would have made Michael Jordan look poor… $122 million.
And before rumor festers into fact, I would like to point out that futbol is not, in fact, boring, lame or gay any more than basketball or baseball or hockey or american football. It’s actually insanely difficult to play this game well. I think whether you love or hate futbol, you should be proud of your US team and support them. Go to the mat for these guys because you know what? They hate the divers and the whiners and the fakers, too. The reason the US didn’t advance in this cup is that they tried to play the game with a fair’s-fair-and-the-best-man-wins attitude, and that doesn’t cut it for the World Cup. They had a lot less to lose than these other teams. But they played for their country with the attitude that a lot of the haters in this thread have; they wanted to score often, commit few fouls, keep the game moving, never fake an injury and win through dedicated teamwork. Now how can you mock that? They actually went to the Cup and represented *you*, whether you cared about them or not, and it’s plain as day to the rest of the world so take some ownership of that national attitude and say to people that we got there and saw that a lot of other teams were willing to sacrifice their pride to advance in the Cup, and we were not.
Because, as earlier mentioned, we had less to lose. Point of fact: nobody in the US is committing suicide over the results of the World Cup (see Italy and Germany). Nobody is assasinating our players because they failed to advance (see Columbia). The leader of our country did not before the World Cup, as the leader of Cote de Voir (formerly Irovy Coast) did, stake the pride and honor of our country on our team’s performance.
If you doubt my argument about having to enjoy playing a sport to love it, or how a play-by-the-rules attitude will not suffice, I offer you this further evidence: China and India are enormous countries. Statistically, they should be fielding two of the best national teams in the world, based simply on the number of potential natural futbol superstars they should be producing. Yet they are two of the worst teams out there. But try to beat India at cricket, or China at table tennis. It’s all about what sports you get to play and how much you enjoy them, not about the potential ‘lameness’ of a sport.
Oh, and the final note in this section: if you want to express deep displeasure with futbol, send a thank-you note to the creator of ‘Get Fuzzy’, and learn this particular phrase… “Soccer!? What a bunch of shin-grabbing, swan-diving mamma’s boys!” I happen to love the sport of futbol and find this term still applies to mine enemies on the pitch.
2) Penalty Kick determiners.
Ok, first of all, *only* an american announcer could ever conceive of calling a penalty kick a ‘PK’. A PK? Is that like a KO? Or an RBI? If you want to know how wrong this sounds in the ear of a futbol fan, try to imagine that Bonds parks one and the announcer shouts into the mike, ‘It’s an HR, baby!’.
That aside, I’ll make this short and sweet.
Everyone has pointed out that a penalty kick heavily favors the shooter. Congratulations. That’s the point of a penalty kick. It’s like saying, ‘It’s a goal already, unless an angel intervenes.’ Someone pointed this out earlier with a perfect comparison: when a professional basketball player steps to the line for a free throw, you are looking at a 90% or better chance that it’s in. I’s a goal. The only thing that can keep that player from scoring is that player; their body can make that shot in it’s sleep, and only their brain can get in the way.
Penalty kick shoot-outs are all about which players can have the entire world watching them and *not think about it*.
The Swiss national team retired from the World Cup 2006 without conceding a goal. They never let a point in, in any game. They lost because they could not control their egos. Now that is a true contest of willpower, mindfulness, and, yes, luck. But, then, if you don’t think luck is a factor in sports, I’m inclined to question your definition of the word ‘think’.
I think zipl makes two very good points:
1) That (generally speaking) people gravitate towards and enjoy watching sports that they have direct experience with (via either playing, attending, or watching over a period of time).
Having a personal history with a sport puts the experience of watching that sport in a different context. It allows you to differentiate between “good” and “bad” play and allows you to be invested in individual teams/players. After enough experience with a particular sport, it can become part of you identity.
To watch a sport without that personal history, all you are left with is the ability to recognize (and critique) the bare bones basic elements of the sport (the rules, the score, the statistics, etc..). And lets face it….there are flaws in the basic elements of every sport.
So for someone who lacks a personal history with a particular sport to have criticisms about it….is inevitable. For that person to mock others (who have more experience with it) for enjoying it….is distasteful. And for that person to use their limited experience to suggest changes to the basic elements of the game…is just ignorant.
Understanding the intricacies of a sport and having the ability to place watch you are experiencing (from entire seasons to a single tackle) in a historical context is directly linked to how much one enjoys and appreciates a sport.
This applies to all sports. So those criticising american football (who’s only experience with it is watching a superbowl or two) sound just as foolish as those criticising football (who’s only experience with it is watching this year’s World Cup final)
2)That one of the main points (and intriguing aspects) of football penality kicks is that they are “easy”. But….they are equally “easy” for both teams. So why don’t penalty kicks at the end of game go on forever? Because under extreme pressure, “easy” tasks become very difficult. I think penalty kicks in the World Cup fall under the category of “looking much easier than they really are”.
Side note: Why can’t there be a discussion with people from different sides of the ocean without stereotypes. Will we ever get past the tired stereotyping of Americans, English, Germans, etc… Aren’t a majority of countries these days melting pots of all different kinds of people (ethnicity, religion, race, sexual orientation, etc…). Sure….the usual stereotypes will apply to pockets of people in respective countries….but if they only apply to small groups…..they are no longer stereotypes.
For example, in the United States “soccer” is one of the most popular sports (as far as participation rates go) among youth. In every county across the country, there are “soccer” leagues at all age levels. Nobody is forced to play. They play because they enjoy the game. And those playing today will appreciate watching “football” when they’re older. And this is not a new phenomenon (ala the U.S.’ success in the 2002 World Cup). My mom was a “soccer mom”, and I’m 30 years old.
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This trite is almost as boring as soccer, itself! Here’s an idea… play a real game!
But for arguments sake, couldn’t a lot of sports be perceived as boring? Nascar, baseball, golf, etc…. Watching any sport can seem ridiculously tedious to some…….while being incredibly enjoyable to hoards of others. To each his own. At least Americans have so many professional sports available to them to pick and choose from. There’s bound to be at least one out there that appeals to each individual.
Comparing athletes between sports seems kind of apples to oranges to me. Football and American football require entirely different skill sets and body types. The French National team and the New York Giants would slaughter each other at their respective sports. Saying that the Giants could make a game of it on a football field might be underestimating the skills required to play football. Playing soccer at a high level is a lot tougher than it looks.
There does seem to be this perception that Americans hate football. Maybe it’s not that they hate it, but just don’t have time for it. There are so many other professional sports to choose from. Not that any of these other sports are better or worse than football. There’s just only so much time one can spend following sports. American sports fans are splintered among several different major sports…..leaving not much of a niche for football (especially the every 4 year World Cup). Whereas the choices (to watch and actually play various sports) may be more limited in other countries, providing a large fanbase for football.
Hockey, now there is a sport, so much damn skill and stamina and strength is needed.
My 2 cents. ALL sports have odd rules, not just soccer. How about these…
1) Basketball. Late in a game after a time out, you can inbound the ball from half court! Say what?? Like placing the ball at the edge of the green for Tiger Woods during a sudden death 1 whole game for him to chip in.
When a foul is called, play is stopped even if you had passed the ball to someone in front of you about to dunk the ball (no advantage rule like in soccer!). So you basically nullify all the advantage you had by making a great play and give back all that advantage to the fouling team by forcing you to inbound the ball.
allowing TV time outs. When you’re at the basketball/hockey game and the action is stopped and you have no idea why, it’s a TV timeout!
2) Football. 1st down measured by a 10 yrd chain sometimes with as much as a quarter chain-link accuracy (I’ve seen a referee place a sheet of paper between the ball and the 1st down stick, to see if it was a 1st down!) even though the referee can’t possibly place the ball within a foot accuracy in the first place!! Ever see a running back dive head first under a pile-up? Where is the ball exactly? Or Jerry Rice being tackled 30 yards ahead of where the line judge is and then 10 seconds later, determine where the knee went down or out of bounds. Pleeeeeaaaaase! Let’s not also forget the chains on the sidelines are moved by “lining up” the marker to where the ball seems to be in the middle of the field! This is comical!
3) Baseball.
One has to witness 4 pitches to a standing catcher for an opposite player to take a base he is given anyway. (Yes I know he could throw a wild pitch, big deal!) Waste of time!
So on, so forth.