Have you ever gone to buy a candy bar out of the snack machine and done that thing? You know, that one thing? Where you put your money in, fully intending to buy a Kit Kat or a Snickers or something, but then, just as you go to press the buttons, you suddenly feel kind of sorry for the unpopular candy bars, like the Big Hunk or the Bit-O-Honey? So then, in an impulsive fit of sympathy, you actually wind up buying one of the often overlooked treats? And a few moments later you’re, like, standing there, masticating your Payday and wondering what the hell got into you, why on earth you found yourself inexplicably rooting for an inert hunk of milk chocolate and caramel?
Never? That’s never happened to you? What, you mean not even once?
Well uh, yeah, of course that’s stupid. That’s what I’m saying. What? No. No, of course I’ve never done that, ha! No, this was strictly a, whatayacallit, a hypothetical. I mean, I’ve heard of some people, some stupid people, doing that, but not, you know, me personally.
What, this? I, uh. I happen to, you know, like Idaho Spud Bars, that’s all.
Are they made out of real spud?
Idaho Spud Bars are tasty, but my favorite is the “fudgepacker.” Hey wait a second, that sounds kinda…
I’ve found myself buying candy bars strictly upon whether there is an opportunity to win a sweepstakes inside the wrapper. This phase in my life seems to be inversely proportional to my job satisfaction. This will play out in one of three ways. I will either win, gain 200 pounds, or get fired.
Life is short. I don’t owe Necco Wafers any loyalty. If you can’t go right for the peanut butter cups, then go home.
Oh yeah I’ve done that but it doesn’t stop at chocolate. I’ve also felt sorry for junk mail, weeds,sprouts, broken milk cartons, old clothes and I think I’d better stop now…
btw. Sites up.
Hey! I like Bit o’ Honey! Fascist.
That sort of touched me. You are sweet. And I do like bit o honey. Bit o honey is my favorite, actually. That and big hunk.
I say this after I spent the day reading anthologies of short stories from the 1950’s. A bunch of writers no one remembers now. I can relate but instead I read abandoned literature.
I think you *think* of Bit O’ Honey as forgotten because it is a very 1950’s type of candybar.
Actually… I feel sorry for inanimate objects quite a bit. Per example: as a child, when choosing some toy/doll off a toy store shelf, if one toy was particularly more shabby than the others, I would feel sorry for it and choose it over the other ones, which presumably would be picked up by someone else.
Maybe I’m just silly.