1. No woman, in the history of courtship, has ever uttered the phrase “he’s a really great guy” and not followed it with the word “but.”
2. Getting involved with a girl who has stuffed animals in the back window of her car is rarely a good idea.
3. Unless otherwise specified, the correct time to microwave something is three minutes.
Update: Some readers are asserting that the final one is not, technically speaking, a “dating” truism. And, okay: I’ll grudgingly cede the point.
In its place, though, here are some other dating truisms from the comments:
- Alkelda: It’s a terrible lapse in judgement to kiss a guy who thinks making Donald Duck sound effects is cool.
- theinsider: If a guy introduces you to a girl and says, “We were just good friends,” they weren’t. Watch out, they probably still aren’t.
- Joy: Never date anyone who’s ‘getting his band together.’
- Stephanie: Never date outside of your political party in an election year.
- Erin: Don’t ever be the “other people” in “We’re seeing other people.”
No second date when the first one consists of stopping by the pharmacy for her and coming out with a bag full of anti-depression scripts while she buys vodka next door.
Never date a guy who quit college to ‘get his band together’ and complains about how all his ex girlfriends required that he actually spend time with them (heaven forbid!).
Also, if a guy complains that ALL his ex’s were nymphos, they probably weren’t and he’s probably a closet gay.
Don’t ever be the “other people” in “We’re seeing other people.” It’s a losing proposition for all concerned and guaranteed to be spectacularly messy. Wait for someone who has their love life in better order.
Not really a dating tip, more of a “Is he/she the right one?” tip.
If you have to ask if he/she is the right one, then the answer is always no. When you don’t have to ask then you know you found the right one.
Of course anyone who asks this is generally so caught up in the relationship that they won’t take this advise anyway…but it’s worth mentioning.
Never go on a second date with a woman who refers to you as her boyfriend during the first date.
If a guy claims the reason other women either won’t date/sleep with him or have broken up with him is because he’s a “nice guy” and they’re all only interested in assholes, run like the wind, my friend!
It means 1) he believes not being an ass is an accomplishment of heroic proportions deserving of special recognition and constitutes such a major sacrifice on his part that he need not put any other effort into the relationship (i.e. “isn’t it enough I don’t beat the shit out of you? Now you want me to pick up my ratty underwear, too?”); and
2) he’s really an asshole who by lack of money, looks or personality can’t get any action without falsely advertising himself as a “nice guy”.
You don’t want to be around when he shows his true colors. Everyone describes serial killers as the nicest of guys you’ll ever meet, too. Truly nice guys don’t feel the need to describe themselves that way. It just shows in everything they do.
Never date a guy with a cartoon character tattoo. If a guy has to tattoo himself with Superman’s insignia, he’s certainly no Superman.
I have to agree with Mustang Sally’s rule of thumb, but not the reasons. I’ll add my own:
3) Alternatively, he really is a nice guy, but he is so invested in being seen as nice (by himself and by others) that all of his decisions will be driven by the need to be perceived as “nice.” Such as when ‘nice guy’ is dating a new girl and the ex invites him out to dinner, instead of saying “Nope, we’re over, remember?” he’ll say “Gee, I’d love to but have to get up early in the morning.” Etc. Sometimes the right choice is the hard one, and sometimes people are going to get hurt, especially if you’re choosing between two people. Nice guys can quickly become two-faced and spineless when confronted with this reality.
Never date a guy who introduces you to three people with the wrong name. After you correct him the first time.
1). never date a person who doesn’t have friends of the same gender. if their own kind rejects them, so should you.
2). never date anyone who’s recently dated a friend of yours. in other words, hunt outside of your circle.
3). no matter how beautiful he/she truly is, somebody somewhere is sick of their sh!t.
Never date anyone who has invented their own system of numerology, especially if they use it to justify strange and hurtful behavior toward you.
…You would think that would be a no-brainer, wouldn’t you?
1)The phrase “We have to talk…” has never brought any good news. If you have ever heard this in a relationship consider it over.
2)If three or more of her best stories start with “This one time I was soooo drunk…” you should run quickly to the nearest exit. Even if it’s a window.
3)Do not date anyone who can’t cook anything without the word “micro” on the cover of the box.
Eh… not so much wrote- If after the first date, you say to yourself, “Gee, he’s kinda geeky,” be honest with yourself on your own geek quotient.
4)If, in reference to her “electronic boyfriend,” you mean the 16 video game systems she’s collected, she has no grounds to complain about any comic book/anime/scifi/RPG memoribilia, and/or any conventions of said genres, you own/have attended.
How about…
1) Never take advice solely from a bunch of (probably cool) strangers on the Internet;
2) Realize that your situation is unique and, with the exception of an abusive relationship, you probably should decide for yourself whether to stay or go;
3) Don’t settle. Ever.
Yeah. good one Russel. Agree with you on No. 2.
If she says, “You’re really sweet”, cut your losses and walk away. It’s not going anywhere. “Sweet” guys are not seen as finishing last – they never get into the game.
Russel said it well… as did everyone else and gave some great laughs! I think I’ve ben in a lot of these spots before.. yup, I can pick ’em alright! *rolls eyes*
DJ- not always. Eventually the “bad boys” get pretty damned boring. You can only play with so many before they lose their charms.
If a girl mentions three or more times how much she can’t stand so-and-so, so-and-so will be the next person she dates. Probably before she stops dating you.
Oh, and here’s one for the ladies: If a guy wears a vest with no shirt, he’s a creep. Always.
Never date anyone who asks you how many people you’ve slept with and expects a straight answer. (Apparently never say “I don’t know” in answer to the question either.)
I’m reminded that American Wedding introduced us to the rule of threes in regard to this one.
Never date a man whose favourite writer is Paulo Coelho, especially if he can read it in the original language. Sorry.
I’m reminded that American Wedding introduced us to the rule of threes in regard to this one.
Wasn’t that Nelson Algren?
Mine:
Never date someone who wears sunglasses indoors or after dark.
Never continue to date someone who brings up the prospect of children on the first date. Particularly if they speculate about what they’d look like.
If she describes herself as a “princess” or “diva”, or mentions “Daddy”, it’s not a good sign.
If she talks about people you don’t know by their first names, with no explanation, it’s not a good sign.
You can learn a lot about someone by watching how they treat the wait staff at a restaurant.
ooo – a little late but I HAVE to join in.
1. Never let a boy move in with you if he doesn’t have a real job and has no idea how to be responsible with money.
2. If the thought of his ex wife still makes him sad (and for awhile brings him to tears) – run away!
3. If he spends the last $10 he has on a six pack, and hasn’t paid rent or bills in over a month, and then OFFERS YOU A BEER TO MAKE IT BETTER… yeah – not good.
4. If he says he did coke “just that once”, he’s probably full of shit.
5. If he says they “just recently became ‘better’ friends” in reference to a girl he supposedly hooked up with after you, chances are they were together waaaaaaaay earlier than that.
6. Sleeping in another girl’s bed should never be ok.
7. If 9 times outta 10 he’s too drunk to talk when you call, it’s a bad sign.
7.5 Furthermore, if you two go out, and you make it clear that this time he’s the DD (because you’re ALWAYS the DD) and the first thing he does is walk up to the bar and order a beer, dump his drunk ass.
8. If when you sleep in the same bed and you are actually HANGING OFF THE BED SLEEPING to be as far away from his lazy ass as possible without getting off the bed and causing drama, it’s over girlie.
Never, ever date a man who plays Everquest.
Never date a grown man who plays chase-and-tickle games with his 20-something female cousins and when you confront him about it, accuses you of ‘tainting something totally innocent’ with your filthy mind.
When a man tells you that he doesn’t believe in monogamy, believe in that statement.
Never date anyone who thinks one of the 7 Dwarves was “Sleazy”. (Sorry – I ran out of stuff, and I wanted to weigh in one more time.)
Never date a grown man who plays chase-and-tickle games with his 20-something female cousins and when you confront him about it, accuses you of ‘tainting something totally innocent’ with your filthy mind.
oh. my. god.
If a girl asks pointedly: “What’s my favourite flower”, always reply “self raising.”
Never date a guy who has just broken up with a girl who has the same name as you… It can lead to violence among other problems.
“Never date someone who wears sunglasses indoors or after dark.”
Never date someone who, when you are looking in the mirror together has no reflection.
Never date someone who drools when you accidentally cut yourself.
Never date someone who never seems to make a date or answer the phone during the daytime.
Never date a grown man who plays chase-and-tickle games with his 20-something female cousins and when you confront him about it, accuses you of ‘tainting something totally innocent’ with your filthy mind.
oh. my. god.
Posted by Sophie at August 16, 2005 09:05 PM
Sophie, don’t even get me started on the “wrestling.”
aww. Does this mean I have to get rid of my stuffed animals in the back window of my car? but I like them!
2) If you ask a guy to tell you a story, and instead of protesting that he doesn’t know any stories, actually tells you a story… you’ll probably end up marrying him 3 years down the road.
Freaky. This happened to me. Right timing and everything.
My suggestion: Don’t plan any further into the future than you’ve already come. So if you’ve been dating for two weeks, make plans for two weeks ahead, but no further. Don’t start fantasizing about bringing him to your sister’s wedding next year.
“Reed College Depravity Quiz”? What’s that? (Google turns up this page and nothing else.)
Program on the emergence of civilization.
“14 species of large animals capable of domesitcation in the history of mankind.
None from the sub-Saharan African continent.
13 from Europe, Asia and northern Africa.”
Favor.
And disfavor.
They point out Africans
so…the post above me really has nothing to do with dating truisms. or anything in particular.
If a guy’s computer is in his bedroom, it’s full of porn. If it’s in the living room, it’s full of games(but probably has some porn as well).
never date a man who claims his ex is pyscho. she may be, but he will be too.